Richard Montgomery is about to discover what happens when he enters a wrong number on his phone. As a resident of a one-horse town, Richard has nothing else to do but think about settling down and having children. Everything changes when he accidentally proposes to the wrong woman-or so he thinks. While growing up in Missoula, Montana, Carolyn never imagines she could solve an actual criminal case just by watching television. But when the past comes back to haunt her, Eddie the bandit receives the surprise of his life. When she was just a girl, Marty immigrated from a small village outside Naples, Italy, to Austin, Texas, not realizing that one day, she would hold an incredible secret in silence. Brian has just encountered his final scene on earth, but as he floats above his body, he has no idea that he will return once again to teach his widow about life, love, and eternity. Rocking Chair Confessions presents a collection of short tales populated by eclectic characters who boldly face happy surprises, difficult decisions, and all the spontaneity and valuable lessons that life has to offer

Auszug. � Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

ROCKING CHAIR CONFESSIONS

Tales Told by a Texan—Some Partially True!By Delbert "Delby" Pape

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright � 2012 Delbert "Delby" Pape
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-4644-4

Dedications and Rememberances..............................viiForward....................................................ixIntroduction...............................................xiiiHello, Will You Marry Me?..................................1Hook 'Em Horns!............................................7My Baby....................................................11A Greatly Appreciated Gift.................................17That's My Necklace!........................................21My Most Forgettable Alaskan Tour...........................25Zozobra and Ray, or Ramon, or Whatever.....................29Champy.....................................................35Mamma Mia, Pass the Pasta!.................................39Moving On Up...............................................43The Visitor................................................47Where's Jenny?.............................................51Wealthy Lady...............................................55Two-for-One Shot...........................................59I've Been Around...........................................63Can You Give Me an "Amen"!.................................67Germs! Go Away! Come Again Another Day.....................71The Domestic Life..........................................75Haunting Experience........................................79Wheelchair Willy...........................................83The Swirling Fishing Hole..................................87Behold, a New World!.......................................91The Real Truth about Spring Break '87......................95Personal Bio...............................................99

Chapter One

Hello, Will You Marry Me?

Have you ever entered a wrong number on your phone, and it turned out to be the best thing you ever did?

Hello, my name is Richard E. Montgomery. The E stands for Edgar, which I'm not crazy about but am very proud to have, as it was given to me by my father on behalf of his father. In other words, it's a family name from my grandfather. I was not privileged to meet this man, but I heard many entertaining stories about him.... But that's another story for another time.

Now, back in the old days, not everyone had a telephone. My family didn't have one, but we did have access to the town drugstore phone for free (local) calls during store hours. "Old Man Jones" and his wife, Zelda, were the owners of the store, which had a small eating area and a book section called Poppy Emporium. They were the model of good neighbors. If you had an emergency after store hours—and even if you didn't—Old Man Jones would be more than willing to open up the store and let you in to use the phone—but not after 9:00 p.m. or after dark, whichever came first. It was nice that way since they lived in the back part of the store and were almost always home except for once a year when they took a vacation during the latter part of July.

Two years after I graduated from high school, I was working at the drugstore part-time as well as working the family farm the other time. I had been seeing a very attractive girl by the name of Arzeal. I liked her a lot, but I got busy with the two jobs. About three months earlier was our last time together. Previously, I met and had a few dates with Leona, a brunette of about five feet six inches tall and very witty. Leona and Arzeal were friends (not best friends, but still friends), and they lived a few miles out of town, about half a mile apart. The girls had gone to school with each other until their graduation a few months before, and they still visited from time to time.

I was just piddling around the store—you know, straightening things up and wiping down the counters. Ralph came in and ordered a sandwich with all the fixings. We were old buds; we used to play pranks in our school days. I'm sure all the teachers celebrated on my graduation day, and especially when Ralph decided not to return to school the following fall.

Ralph was a year behind me in school, and I hadn't seen him in about that long. When he left school, he had gotten a job on a ranch north of town, close to Amarillo. Wow! And here he was back. We shared story after story of the past year and numerous stories of our high school days while I filled orders for other customers. This was good for me and just as good for Ralph.

Before I knew it, two hours had gone by with the listening customers all glad to see Ralph. They welcomed him back heartily. They even threw in a few stories of their own about us and the locals. We laughed and then all cried when we related about how Jimmy Short had lost his life in just an old friendly fight when he was knocked down by an upper cut from his buddy, Justin Barlow.

Justin had taken a few good licks and then got in a good upper cut and knocked Jimmy backward. That sent him back, and as he was trying to gain his balance step by step, he fell to the ground headfirst. He landed on a board with a long nail protruding from it. We all thought Jimmy was either knocked out or playing possum. He didn't move at first, but then he moaned and began to flop around in the area, after which he lay still—never to move again. Justin was the first to race over to assist him. Then, after a few suggestions, we carried him over to Doc Whithers's place. After we related what had happened, Doc showed us out. Shortly afterward, Doc pronounced him dead. We all just cried for hours.

It seemed such a waste of a life for a little fun and entertainment. A friendly fight was not too uncommon for our little town, at least among the youth. A little innocent fight, and no one was mad. No one blamed Justin. We felt sorry for him more than anything and even more sorry for Jimmy. We eventually got somewhat over it, but we still missed our friend whose life was cut short.

A few weeks later, I was thinking about our little get-together—"story time" with Ralph and me and our friends. I began to think about Leona and Arzeal. For the first time, I began thinking about marriage, settling down, having kids, and raising a family. I was doing well and had saved some money. I also knew the farm was going to be mine. Maybe it's the "out of sight, out of mind" thing with Arzeal since Leona was the most recent girl I had dated. Next thing I knew, I was phoning Leona's home. She answered, but the connection was a little on the staticky side. Through the static, we talked about how much we missed each other. I hinted about marriage, family, and the like and asked her to come into town so I could ask her something. We hung up. There was no question about the "question" I was going to ask her—and she knew it too.

You need to know something about the phones back then. Rural phones had no dials for dialing. A receiver and speaker piece on a box hanging on a wall was it. Each house had its own special ring and was rung by a phone operator. To get the operator, one grabbed a rotary handle on the side of the wall phone and wound it around, sending a ringing signal to the operator. Leona's was two long rings and two short rings, and the drugstore's was three long and one short. Arzeal was three long and three short. I remember a little later the rotary phones coming in style where one could put a finger in an opening with a number from zero through nine, then "rotate" or dial a sequence of numbers. Each house had a...

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