Now in paperback, the tough-love truth about following the predictable clues men leave when they are unfaithfulHe says: "Ill never have an affair." He means: "Im clever. Youll never know." He says: "You need to see a psychiatrist." He means: "Youre the problem." He says: "Im working late." He means: "I found my soul mate."
If any of the above sounds familiar, be on your guard: your husband may be following The Script. The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat is a wake-up call to women everywhere. Statistics show that 35 percent of men cheat on their wives. Authors Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer contend that every one exhibits the same signs along the way. In fact, they follow the same exact script. After interviewing dozens of people across the country, listening to hundreds of real-life stories of unfaithful husbands, they realized they were hearing the same things over and over again. Here is a book that will show you the signs to look for, red flags you may not have noticed before, and how to turn the tide before it's too late.
The Script
The 100% Absolutly Predictable Things Men Do When They CheatBy Elizabeth LandersHyperion Books
Copyright © 2005 Elizabeth Landers
All right reserved.ISBN: 9781401308421Chapter One
OVERTURE
Only the percussionist is present in the orchestra pit below the stage and the drum roll is barely audible, nearly drowned out by the sounds of everyday life outside the theater. It's so low that you pay no attention. You don't even hear the loud, rapid roll that usually comes at the end, presaging something important to come. You're paying more attention to the sound of a violin and a flute, and a very mellifluous and soothing tenor rising above.
This tenor is singing: "I Would Never Do That."
SCENE 1: "I WOULD NEVER DO THAT"
Sharon and Nick are leaving Nick's company's office reception when Sharon asks her husband, "Where did Jackie get that diamond bracelet? She couldn't possibly buy such an expensive piece of jewelry on her secretary's salary. She told me it came from Tiffany's, but of course I couldn't ask her how she got it."
Nick answers, "Oh, I know how she got it. Don, the senior VP you met a few months ago, gave it to her. They're having an affair."
Sharon thinks for a second and then says, "But Don's married, isn't he? Didn't I meet his wife, Joan? How do you know they're having an affair?"
"I could just tell," Nick says.
"My gosh. What goes on!" Sharon exclaims.
"Yeah, it's not a good scene all around. I tell you, I would never do that to you."
We have found that almost every woman who finds out that she has an unfaithful husband remembers her husband saying several years before, "I Would Never Do That," while commenting disapprovingly on a man who has just been unfaithful.
This line in the Script gives you no sense that anything might be amiss. Only in hindsight (unless you've read this book and can be alert to it as it's happening) will you see that this was the moment he began sending signals that he was alert to other possibilities, to other ways to act out his life.
At the time, your reaction is the opposite of suspicion. You are grateful and reassured that your husband is so completely different. You think, "He really understands how wrong it is to cheat. How wonderful to be married to someone who can see how immoral this is. I am really proud to be married to a man who is so upstanding."
You feel sympathy for Don's wife and a little glee at hearing the latest gossip. Then you put the whole story out of your mind-it's just another story of someone else's misfortune.
Nancy and Jim are straightening up after dinner when Nancy says to Jim, "Say, how's Paul? I was thinking of him today when someone mentioned artists who then go on to tech jobs. You haven't mentioned him in a while."
"Oh, Paul," Jim responds. "I guess he thinks he's a bohemian again. He just left Kathy and the kids and moved in with his secretary. She must be twenty years younger than he is."
"What?" Nancy stares at him. "Kathy's so sweet and they have the greatest kids. They've been married a long time. His secretary? How could he do that?"
Jim shakes his head. "No, it's not right and it's making things very awkward in the office. I would never do that."
You feel lucky to have a husband who is so much better than other men, a husband who is completely faithful and caring, who lives by what he believes in. You think, "That could never happen to me with a man as virtuous and devoted as my husband. I can put that worry totally out of my mind, thank goodness."
This is a very natural reaction on your part, and it may be just the one he wants you to have. He is thinking that what Paul has done sounds appealing. But if he criticizes Paul, the last thing that would occur to you, now or in the future, is that your own husband might be open to cheating. By assuring you he would never do that, he has thrown you off his track.
SCENE 2: "YOU NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST"
Maggie is sitting at the kitchen table going over the checkbook, and staring at the remodeling books the contractor has just brought over. Joe comes in from outside, looks at her, and says, "You're depressed. You need to see a psychiatrist."
"Need to see a psychiatrist? What do you mean?"
"I mean you need to see a psychiatrist. Look at you sitting hunched over all that paper, fixated on all those picture books. You can't seem to make any decisions. That's depressed."
"I don't feel depressed. I'm just trying to get some of this paperwork done and figure out what to do with the kitchen."
"Have it your way then, but I'm telling you, you need help."
Maggie feels insulted and confused. "Why would anyone think balancing the checkbook and looking at remodeling ideas is acting depressed? Did he read about depressed women somewhere? Did someone else tell him I seem depressed? He seems so definite about it and so critical. He's sort of saying that if I don't realize it and don't seek help then I'm even worse off than I realize. He's telling me I don't want to be the best I can be, and he won't love me anymore if I don't try to be the best I can be. Maybe I should go see a psychiatrist. But then again I don't feel depressed."
He's building a case, though not consciously. It's the same case he'll use later-even though he doesn't even know there will be a later. It may be years before he presents the final summation.
He's following the Script. He's heard men play out all these scenes many times, and he has learned this is a good way to begin. Casting you as the sick, depressed, and troubled one gets the audience in the right mood to understand and applaud the rest of the play, especially his character: the good guy. He's beginning to set up the contrasts between you and him. Later, when the news breaks, the stage will be set so that people who would ordinarily cast him as the villain will do just the opposite. They'll say, "He's done his best to get along with a crazy, depressed woman and has given her every chance to get help. But she refused to get better." He's the good guy. You're the problem.
Watch this man act.
Carl and Bill are walking out to the parking lot after a long day's work.
"She's crazy, out of control. The doctor even says so. When I was in for my checkup I was telling him that if I just want to spend a couple of nights out with the guys she's all up in arms, asking me why I'm not home more. She wants me home all the time. She's always wanting me to go places with the kids. She's out of control."
Carl just listens as Bill lets loose with all his problems at home.
"I thought all along she was unbalanced. I knew Dr. Feller would agree with me. Sure enough, he says she needs help."
Before our man starts his speaking part he has to get into the right frame of mind. The Script has even taught him the thoughts that will accomplish this. He's thinking to himself, "I'm a good person. I'm doing all the right things to make her happy. She's still not happy, Therefore there's something really wrong with her." The director has told him to keep playing these thoughts over and over in his head so that later on his spoken lines will carry real feeling.
If he were reciting his real feelings aloud now and listening to what he was saying, that would mean recognizing he has some problems and that he might have to ask for help in addressing them. Not easy for our man. Many men find this difficult, so they make you the problem.
He has also started talking to others because he cares about the court of world opinion. You're...
