EBB AND FLOW

SEARCHING FOR SHE

Trembling,
Knees in the dirt,
Head bowed,
Eyes blinded by hurt;

Without sight,
Paralyzed, I freeze; I
can see no change;
My mind's diseased.

I need a moment to breathe ...

Gasping in pain,
I refrain from capture;
Don't say it's the end
I call on God's rapture —

And shortly after,
I find my laughter.


FEAR vs. LOVE

fear blocks,
  Love Flows;
fear assumes,
  Love Knows;
fear denies,
  Love Grows;
fear is controlled,
  Love is Free;
fear is you,
  Love is SHE.


FITTING IN

Find your box, and get in it. Hurry
— there isn't much time.
If you wait too long, you will be all alone.

Break limbs to squeeze in.

There may be parts that don't fit,
But you can cut them off,
Like in the Brothers Grimm.
You can remove a heel or a toe;
Shhhh ... they don't have to know.

Remember it's for the promise
Of fitting into a glass slipper,
To marry a prince —
It's like that.

Squeeze in, tighter and tighter.
Hold your breath.
It's okay if you lose circulation
And parts go numb —
Don't worry about that.

All that matters is you're in.

Now you belong.

Don't you feel better?


TRANCE OF THE OUTER
WORLD DANCE

I run for the door at the end of the corridor —
A metaphor for freedom —
But it's a hallucination:
Always moving farther from my grasp
Even when I run.
I feel I'll come undone:
It mocks me,
Taunts me,
Haunts me,
Yet I can't walk away —
Even though it's no life for me to stay.
A diluted, yet shared, state of being,
All being deceived,
All fearing to leave ...
There's no love in fear;
There's no love in here.
It's not outside but deep within,
The journey home to love again.


IN SEARCH OF YOU

In search of you,
I keep my senses keen,
Yet it always seems like I miss you.
High and low I search.
But oh
This bitter earth is cruel.


DISCONNECT & RECONNECT

This coming-out-of-nowhere moment,
This unexpected cry
From the past,
Disturbing my present opportunity for peace ...
I piece me back together,
Claim it as a part
And not the whole,
Letting go
To be here now
In stillness.


LIFE ENERGY

You want to name her and own her,
but she exists in a space
where dollars make no sense,
and ownership is meant to be divided amongst the people
of the past, present and future
at the same time —
collectively, simultaneously.

You want to name her and own her.

In your book and house of worship, your war-ship,
there is no division of parts —
she is the whole,
not the whore;
she is the key and the door.
More than your limited concept of
money and value

You want to name her and own her,
except she disappears and reappears
and one cannot control what is truly free.
She doesn't discriminate;
like falling raindrops,
you cannot predict her energy
— a mystery.

In the mind of a thinker,
think her,
thin her, thinner ...
Where did she go?


STUCK/UNSTUCK

Stuck —

As long as I stay
In this place,
In this box,

Each moment choreographed
For your amusement and fun,
I want to break out and run —
To flee these walls that confine me,
These ties that bind me.

As long as I stay,

It's predictable:
No long falls or soaring heights —
A mediocre kind of life.

The urge to stretch my unique shape,
Like the individuality of a snowflake,
Causes me to break free.
Happy to discover the real me

— Unstuck


TIME RELEASED

Our hands never locked tight enough to last;
The grip slipped loose like sand through the hourglass.
It was only a matter of time. Nothing lasts forever.
I have no regrets, just things to collect —
Like all of our memories and my Nina Simone CDs.


RESISTANCE

Morning Rain,
Fighting Pain
Will Remain
Forever Vain
Warrior Came
Picture Frame
Shattered Stain
Shadow Blame


SIGN LANGUAGE

Oh God, I wish I could read your sign language;
Your symbols are so bold and beautiful!

My ancestors were fluent, and now this material girl
In a material world has become lost in translation;

I fell victim to American assimilation
And my soul screams in desperation for me to learn my native tongue:

To be in tune with the earth, moon, and sun;
To nurture my sacred seed until I remember you and I are one.

You wrote me into your book of life as a lead,
For now I am illiterate to your sentiment,
Unnaturally flailing like a fish out of water.
Bearing no resemblance to your daughter.

Following false navigation for the almighty dollar,
Scared to seek a different path,
Afraid of earthly judgment and wrath.

Oh God, I wish I could understand...