Our Story

"You're pregnant" are words parents long to hear. Even with a great pregnancy, parents can be overwhelmed with caring for their children. This is more apparent when a child has behaviors that families do not understand. If the family faces issues with the pregnancy, birth trauma, or the dreaded fact that something is not right with the child, then "How can I care for this child?" races through their minds. We naturally parent children the way we were taught, either by our own parents or maybe through a few classes attended. Rarely are parents given the skills to handle children who do not fit the "normal" way of developing. My husband and I faced this in our own journey with our boys. We want to share the lessons we learned along the way in order to help others. We learned about sensory integration as a way to help our boys calm their bodies. This helped us not to label the things the boys did as behavioral problems but how their bodies worked for regulation. The most important lesson for us was the way our family grew in spiritual connection. We hope our stories help others along their journeys.

Sensory integration, or processing, is simply how we use information through our senses to connect with what we have already learned about the world around us. We take in information through our five senses: taste, vision, hearing, touch, and smell, along with two hidden senses. We use movement through our vestibular sense (in the inner ear) and our proprioceptive sense (in our muscles and joints) to help us move about and calm our bodies. The sensory system was not understood well when I was born in the 1960s. Today, most of the general population has not heard of these concepts, only those who have or know children who are struggling to learn to regulate their bodies.

When I was a young child, my mother told stories about driving me around town so that I would sleep. She would say that as soon as she pulled in the driveway I would wake up. She stated that I did not sleep for the first three years of my life. She said I would sit and eat lemons while watching the Johnny Cash show. Not understanding the sensory issues that I had as a child, my mother would state, "We just beat the hell out of you." When I married my husband, David, I could easily identify with some of his behaviors. He has a hard time with meeting new people and large crowds, and he prefers routines. So when I talk about sensory integration/processing to others, I often say that David and I should have never bred. Two adults with similar problems were running the risk of having children with these issues. As young adults, we were eager to have children of our own. We suffered through four miscarriages, and finally two beautiful boys came into our lives.

Mykel David

Our firsts on, Mykel, was conceived right after a miscarriage and before my husband left for the first Gulf War. I had already scheduled to see a specialist, Dr. Brown, to help us get pregnant. Due to complications, I could not get in right away to see Dr. Brown. When I finally was able to see the specialist, I was five months along. I believe this was God's way of helping me pass the three-month mark where I had lost children before. At this time, I did not fully understand how emotional stress was affecting my unborn child. My family was in turmoil over losing my three-year-old nephew after eighteen months of cancer treatments. My sister-in-law was losing her precious child just as I finally had one.

The day I drove my husband to the air force base with war looming, my anxiety was very high. He was leaving on a mission, and he was not allowed to know where he was going until the plane was in the air. With the escalation in the Gulf, I was stressed and worried as to where he was going to be stationed. I drove home worrying about my unborn son and my husband. I turned on the television to see the starting of the first Gulf War. I do not typically show a lot of emotions, but at that moment, I collapsed on the floor, crying. My thoughts raced. What will happen to David? What will happen if I have to raise my son alone? What about all those serving? We have friends who are already in Iraq. What will happen to them? I cried out in prayer for all those in the service.

We had not been at war in so long, and the treatment of the Vietnam veterans ran through the back of my mind. Of course, all this changed, and the country did show tremendous support. Now, looking back, I can only imagine the amount of stress hormones that were being dumped into my body as I carried Mykel. Luckily, my husband was able to return home before Mykel's birth.

Mykel was two weeks overdue. After some complications, it was decided that he would be delivered by Caesarean section. Dr. Brown had an incredible sense of humor. During the delivery, Dr. Brown exclaimed, "This is not a baby—this is a football player. This is not an umbilical cord—this is a rope." Mykel was eleven pounds and six ounces. He was twenty-three and three-quarter inches long and bow-legged! Our little baby boy we had tried so hard to get here was huge! A few hours after he delivered Mykel, Dr. Brown came into the room and stated that Mykel had a romantic date. "He will have to go to the nursery tonight, because I just delivered a redheaded ten-pound, eight-ounce baby girl."

I noticed right away that Mykel and I had difficulty bonding. He did not like to be held. He did not tolerate certain clothing and was susceptible to rashes. He would not sleep at night. He cried often and there was little that would comfort him. He had projectile vomiting, allergies to milk, asthma, and extreme allergies to everything outside. To say that Mykel was an active child would be an understatement. He never slowed down; he walked by the age of nine months. He talked early, was very bright, and charmed all those around him.

Being a counselor, I knew the importance of bonding and self-regulation. I had been trained in attachment theory. Attachment is crucial to children learning how to form relationships. Mykel had extreme crying outbursts, especially around sleep. I read many books and tried so many methods. I tried the Faber method of getting Mykel to sleep. (Allow the child to stay in the room, check on child, offer reassurance, but do not pick the child up or take him to your bed.) I worked months trying to get him to sleep in his room and through the night. At this time, I was working with the early intervention program, especially with children who had autism. I began working with several occupational...