As a toddler, Mary sustains an injury to her left eye. In elementary school, she is diagnosed with a traumatic cataract caused by a shattered lens and is advised to always wear glasses to protect her better eye. Not wanting to be teased by peers, she disguises her impairment by wearing tinted shades of various hues. These camouflages affect the way she views life and alters her perception of people and events. Believing that everyone encountered would initially focus on her eyes, she limits her social interactions and becomes an avid reader. After ending an abusive marriage to Chico, her high school and college boyfriend, and later identifying with the Hebrew Israelites, she decides to take off the colorful blinders and face life, with all of its complexities, clearly focused by going on a Caribbean cruise to reflect on her experiences in order to resolve the inner conflicts which led to years of unhappiness and deferred dreams. The Creation story in the book of Genesis guides her thinking as she desperately attempts to recreate her life by analyzing over thirty years of experiences in seven short days. It begins with her understanding the causes of her blurred vision and ends with an enlightened sense of self pride, purpose and spiritual awareness. Throughout this true adventure, she uses her visual impairment as a metaphor for the blindness she suffers as she journeys along life's path. The book is filled with tales of her family structure and social values; issues of marriage, domestic violence, infidelity, deception and divorce; the challenges of single parenting; the frustrations of religious persecution and professional discrimination; the disappointments encountered in attempts to establish friendships and develop intimate relationships; and finally the blessings of finding true love and restoring trust.

SHATTERED LENS

A Tale of Domestic Violence and Redemption through LoveBy Mary Alice Beasley

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Mary Alice Beasley
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-2785-2

Contents

DUSK: PSYCHOGENESIS............................................1The Inner Child................................................5Hindsight......................................................12Blind Faith....................................................66THE FIRST DAY: ON THE SEA......................................79The Teacher....................................................81The Professional Class.........................................84The Line.......................................................88The Passover Plot..............................................91THE SECOND DAY: ON THE SEA.....................................97The Exodus.....................................................99Crimestoppers..................................................106Passing the Word...............................................110Wearing White..................................................115Black on White.................................................123Discipleship...................................................126THE THIRD DAY: PUERTO RICO.....................................131The University.................................................133The Entourage..................................................139The 70th Floor.................................................150Crisis Investing...............................................157THE FOURTH DAY: ST. THOMAS.....................................163The Sacrificial Lamb...........................................165Marked for Death...............................................170Getting My "House" in Order....................................174The Crucifixion................................................177The Death Wish.................................................180In the Tomb....................................................182THE FIFTH DAY: ST. MAARTEN.....................................185The Tarot Reading..............................................187Close Encounters...............................................193THE SIXTH DAY: ON THE SEA......................................201The Agate......................................................203The Healing Process............................................215Reprogramming..................................................218SUNDOWN........................................................221The Dream......................................................223The Resurrection...............................................227THE ELEVENTH HOUR..............................................231A New Name — A New Teacher...............................233Blossom........................................................243DAWN...........................................................249Insight........................................................251No Coincidences................................................255Realization....................................................258THE SEVENTH DAY: SUNRISE.......................................265The Upper Room: A Higher Order of Thinking.....................267Self Actualization.............................................270HOME: MY DEBUT.................................................273The Cotillion: A Dream Fulfilled...............................277BLESSINGS......................................................283My Beloved: The Rock...........................................28320 / 20 Vision.................................................298Post Script....................................................319CONTACT INFORMATION............................................320

Chapter One

DUSK: PSYCHOGENESIS

The feeling of fluttering butterflies in my stomach makes me want to change my mind and stay home but it's too late to cancel. After a most demanding school year, I should be jumping with joy anticipating a relaxing seven day Eastern Caribbean cruise to San Juan, Puerto Rico; St. Thomas, Virgin Island; St. Maarten, and Antigua aboard the M.S. Celebration, one of Carnival Cruise Lines' most impressive ships. What a paradox! What should be a joyous occasion is going to be a very somber one for me.

This is my first vacation alone. I'm so accustomed to traveling with family, close friends or groups. I don't know anyone in any of the ports of call and I don't even know the identity of my cabin mate. That's what happens when you book as a single passenger. I'm so anxious.

"Ok girl, get it together," I voice loudly talking to myself. Double check your list. Make sure you haven't forgotten anything important. Identification cards, travelers' checks, credit cards and tickets are in my purse. Vitamins, camera, sunglasses, tape recorder and books are in my handbag. My books are so important. Without them I'll find it difficult to appear preoccupied. For so long I've used them as props to isolate myself in social settings.

I force a smile when my kids, Renee, Juanita and Lonnie and two of their friends, Damon and Kristy approach me.

"Got everything?" Lonnie asks. He knows me so well he can almost read my mind.

"Yes, and I'm ready to go."

"I'll put your baggage in the trunk of the car."

"Thanks Damon."

"And I'll drive," Lonnie announces as he chivalrously opens the car doors. "All aboard for the Port of Miami!"

Lonnie senses my anxiety and kisses me on the cheek as I get into the car. Then bowing as if he were a chauffeur he says, "At your service, ma'am."

"You are so funny," I chuckle.

The girls get into Renee's car and follow.

I sit quietly staring out of the window at the beautiful scenery as we ride across the causeway to the port. Seeing the ocean has a calming effect on my nerves. I glance over at fabulous Bayside in downtown Miami and see the skyline of the wonderful attractions and realize how little time I've spent enjoying the amenities in my own city.

We arrive at the port in twenty minutes. It takes another thirty minutes to get through the procedures for boarding. Finally we enter the gangplank and stop briefly to pose for the traditional picture.

Damon and Lonnie carry my bags to the cabin. My anonymous roommate has already been in the room and declared squatter's rights by placing her luggage on the lower bunk. I look around the cabin and think, "Why didn't I pay for an upgrade, a bunk bed?" I sigh.

"Just place the bags against the wall. I'll unpack later. Let's take a tour of the ship before departure."

"This ship is beautiful," Renee remarks.

"It sure is. It's a floating luxury hotel."

Knowing that I might not ask strangers to snap my picture, I say in a commanding tone, "Let's hurry! I want you to take lots of pictures of me on board in various locations."

As we stroll from deck to deck, I think, "I wish that they were going with me. It's so obvious that I'm the one holding on; but this is one phase of my life's journey that they cannot help. I'll have to do this alone."

An announcement from the public address system interrupts my thoughts: "Attention all visitors. Please return to shore immediately. The ship is preparing to set sail promptly at 5:30 p.m. Thank you for being our guests."

"Ok everybody. Come quickly and give me a hug."

Sensing my separation anxiety, Renee says, "Relax and have a good time."

I hurry to the upper deck to catch a glimpse of...