THE MASTER BEDROOM

I wish I could say that the 7:00 a.m. alarm woke me out of a sound sleep, but I can't. To quote an old song, "I didn't sleep at all last night!" It's not unusual for an athlete the night before a big game to stay awake all night. Today my big game is coming up with a plan on how to clean my home in a quick and efficient manner so that I will have more time to play golf and go out sailing on the Gulf of Mexico.

I have tried many house cleaners, but they never seem to work out. When the last one broke her arm, I decided to tackle the job myself. Why? Because it seemed like it shouldn't be so hard—do a little dusting, wash a few windows, pick up some clutter lying around, and run the sweeper. What's so hard about that? I didn't know, but I was about to find out.

As I lay there in the bed, many questions arose. How long it would take? How would I attack the situation? What cleaning materials would I need? Where should I start? What was I getting myself into?

Then I had a brainstorm! Cleaning a house is just like playing football. No matter what position you play, you have to know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I thought that if I figured out the techniques, how to execute them, and when to implement them, maybe I could make the job more efficient—quick and easy. The process could be a game and a challenge instead of a dreaded task.

Fortunately there are a few things that my mother had continually preached to me that made my life easier. I can hear her now!

• "Make your bed when you get up. Then you won't have to remember to do it later, and your room will look a lot neater."

• "When you get done using something, put it back where it belongs so someone else can find it."

• "When you take off your clothes, put them in the hamper or hang them up so someone else doesn't have to pick up after you or step over them."

I used to get really upset about her nagging, but she said it would pay off later in life. I now live alone, and there isn't a wife or mother to pick up after me. What I realized after I had written this book was that my mother was my first coach. She taught me the basics of all the different positions, how to execute the maneuvers, and when to put them into action. Now I would hear her say,

• "Every time you make your bed, you will get better at it and able to do it more quickly. Practice, practice, practice!"

• "Putting things back after using them is just like returning the weights to their proper place in the workout room."

• "Put your uniform back in the locker or throw it in the hamper."

Garrison Keillor's stories of Norwegian bachelors living as slobs and the stereotypes in movies about men living in messes don't fit a lot of us guys. As a matter of fact, a lot of my single male friends have very presentable homes. The conception that single males are slobs isn't always true.

Coming back to the job facing me, I continued to think. The right place to start would be right here. I was lying here in my bed. It had to be made, and the sheets needed to be changed. I thought, Brilliant! When I get up, I will just strip the bed, put on clean sheets, and finish with the bedspread.

So I jumped out of the bed, ripped off the pillowcases, threw the bedspread on the floor, and stripped the sheets off the bed. I got fresh sheets from the linen closet, put on the fitted sheet and the flat sheet, picked up the bedspread, and put it back on the bed.

I folded back the bedspread, put the fresh cases on the pillows, put the pillows on the bed, and neatly pulled the bedspread up over the pillows. I was finished. Wow! I thought. My first series of plays are completed, and it probably took less than five minutes! This will be a snap!

Okay, what else needs to be done to clean up this room? Firstly pants, shirt, and shoes need to be picked up and put away, and the carpet needs to be vacuumed. Furniture needs to be dusted, and the mirrors and windows should be cleaned.

That's not so hard.

I picked my pants and shirt, put my shoes in the closet, and threw my socks and underwear in the hamper. Next I got out the vacuum, pushed it around the room, grabbed a cloth, and dusted the furniture. I was proud of myself because I was D off these jobs like a linebacker intercepting passes. "Oh crap! Penalty," I said as I noticed my footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet. After I ran the vacuum again, I noticed that I needed to clean the windows and mirrors, so I got the Windex and did the windows and mirror. Yep, you guessed it. Another big penalty this time because I messed up the carpet again and spotted up the freshly dusted dresser. Fifteen yards and loss of down! I dusted the dresser again and vacuumed the carpet again.

After I finished vacuuming the carpet for the third time and looked at the streaks on the windows and mirrors and lint on the freshly dusted dressers, I realized that I needed to reevaluate the sequence of my plays or punt.

Maybe this isn't as easy as I thought. At that point I realized my sequence of doing the jobs right and in the proper sequence was paramount so that I wasn't messing up something I had already done. Since I didn't have a mentor or coach, I needed to develop my own playbook.

Okay, I thought. If doing the mirrors leaves spray and mist spots on the furniture and walking around and dusting leaves footprints on the carpet, I need to change the sequence. I decided that I should work in the following order:

1. Clean windows and mirrors and any other glass.

2. Dust.

3. Vacuum.

I had my sequence for cleaning the bedroom in order, but there were still a few glitches that needed to be straightened out.

What about the streaky mirrors and windows? If you want, you can buy commercial window sprays. The only problem is that they often contain ammonia, which can harm solar coatings on the windows. I have a friend that installs solar film. He uses a spray bottle full of liquid dishwashing soap, vinegar, and water and scrubs them down with a rag or soft brush. Then he uses a squeegee to finish it off, and he wipes off the corners with a clean paper towel or newspaper. I discovered that if you look at the windows or mirrors from a side angle, you can see the streaks or film left after you have dried them off.

Another trick I learned after spraying and washing the window is to run my hand over the glass because I can...