Sandra and Ray Hocking have worked hard their whole lives; in their sixties, they were simply looking forward to retirement. In an instant, however, their lives changed forever when Ray suffered a freak accident that caused him to be paralyzed. He needed around-the-clock care and couldn't even live in his own home. Ray struggled to make progress at a rehabilitation facility before moving to a convalescent home, which became his permanent home. Although he had lost the ability to move like he once did, he continued to inspire everyone he met. A constant advocate for her husband, Sandra did everything she couldto help him recover a life worth living. She liquidated assets, organized fundraisers for an accessible van, and researched grants. She determined what assistance her husband qualified for and what he didn't-and through it all, Ray kept a positive attitude. Sandra spent some time being angry, but she sees every day with her husband and their family is a gift. She has already found out that it can all change in a Split Second.

Split Second

Split-Second Life ChangeBy Sandra Hocking

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Sandra Hocking
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-6194-2

Chapter One

The Beginning

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. Billy Crystal

We met on a hot August day in 1986 in a little neighborhood sports bar where I had been bartending for a couple of years. As I opened the door at 11:30 a.m., a few construction linemen who were working in the area were ready for their lunch break. I was immediately attracted to the handsome curly-haired, bearded gentleman who ordered a hamburger with mayonnaise. I promptly told him that we do not serve mayo on burgers in this bar. Here they are eaten with ketchup! When he realized I was joking, we both laughed, and that was the beginning of our friendly conversations.

Since he was working close by, He started coming in regularly, and I looked forward to seeing him. He was easy to talk to and not too bad to look at either, especially with those ocean-blue eyes and coal-black beard. We talked about our families, and I learned that he'd grown up in Denville, New Jersey, was the oldest of two sons, and sadly, both of his parents were deceased. Two years after he and wife married, they relocated to California, bought a house in San Clemente, and he found a job at the power company. They never had children, so when his twenty-year marriage ended, he left his job and joined the IBEW (International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers), which brought him to Connecticut. Since he had traveled all over the United States and had never heard of this town, he decided to accept the work in our growing community.

I told him I had grown up with a strict Italian father and three younger siblings. My brothers Richard and Michael were three and ten years younger, respectively, and my sister Debra arrived when I was approaching thirteen. I was married at the age of nineteen, my daughter was born when I was thirty, and I was forty-two when I became a single mom.

One evening we went out for coffee and realized how much we enjoyed each other's company. After dating a short time, we knew we wanted this relationship to last. I introduced him to my daughter, and we began including her in many of the things we did. Introducing him to my parents was another matter, especially my father, who thought Ray was taking advantage of me and called him a "drifter." My brother Dick, who became very fond of Ray, told my father that Ray was serious and eventually wanted to marry me. After that, Ray was like one of the family.

We had a short courtship and got married on August 2, 1987, the one-year anniversary of the day we met, with my daughter as my maid of honor. Even though she was only twelve, I wanted to include her in this important event. She understood that just because there was a new man in my life, she was still very special. I also talked with Ray, letting him know that Gina and I were a package deal, and he promised a great future for the three of us. When Gina and I went shopping for my wedding dress and her maid of honor dress, we had a great afternoon together. It was difficult choosing between so many gorgeous dresses, but in the end we must have made the right decision, because we were both told we looked beautiful. My niece Dina wanted to be in the wedding, so she was the ring bearer. We purchased a dress exactly like Gina's for her, and the two looked like little angels.

We were married at my parents' home with only immediate family and a few close friends in attendance, and then we left for our honeymoon. After flying into Reno, Nevada, we rented a car and drove along the coast from Reno to Los Angeles where we stayed for a few days at my cousin David's home and had an absolutely wonderful time. Next, Ray took me to meet the men he had worked with at the power company. We joined them in a bar, which I quickly learned was where linemen tended to hang out. He introduced me to sushi in Malibu and took me to his favorite Mexican restaurant in San Clemente. We shopped in San Juan Capistrano and saw the cable cars in San Francisco. We drove through the quaint town of Carmel, where Clint Eastwood was mayor. I gambled, playing poker in a casino in Reno—and won! We had a fabulous ten days, but I was eager to get home to my daughter and start my new life.

Once back home, we settled in quite comfortably and I learned what a wonderful cook Ray was. He enjoyed cooking foods for me, many of which I had never even heard of. I remember when he asked me if I had a wok. I had no idea what he was referring to, but it became one of our most used kitchen utensils. I also liked to cook, so most of our time together was spent in the kitchen. On Gina's thirteenth birthday, she had several friends over, and Ray made cheese fondue for a bread dip and chocolate fondue to dip strawberries. None of them had had fondue before, so it was a big hit! Surprisingly, Gina liked many of the new foods Ray cooked, which frequently contained garlic, onions, and everything hot and spicy.

The first time he made spaghetti sauce, I was amazed at the amount of onions and garlic he used—enough to fill half the pot. It certainly did the trick because the sauce was out of this world. One evening when he was cooking, my parents stopped by and our house reeked of garlic. My father said, "That's the way a house should smell!" Ray also made martinis better than anyone I know, and his margaritas were to die for. Boy, do I miss those drinks.

Many evenings when he served dinner, he lit candles on the table or added a vase of beautiful flowers, and there was always a glass of great-tasting wine.

Gina moved out when she was twenty, and a few weeks later I started feeling depressed and out of sorts. After I got over my empty-nest syndrome though, Ray and I became accustomed to life without Gina. A few years later, she decided to move to her boyfriend's home state of Minnesota. I cried for days. I was planning on seeing her off but was so sad about her leaving that I could not go to say good-bye. Ray was so supportive and tried to make it a little easier for me by cooking a wonderful dinner the day she left. He even went out that night and brought back my favorite treat—pistachio ice cream. For the next couple of years, every time Gina had to leave after being home for a visit, I cried. The first year she was gone, we drove out to Minneapolis to spend part of the Christmas holiday with her. When it was time for me to leave, I couldn't stop the tears. As the years went on, I learned to live without her being near, and the good-byes got a little easier.

Ray did not like to fly, so we did all our traveling by car. Our first cross-country trip was in 1989. Ray enjoyed showing me the country he loved, and that trip was one of the greatest experiences of my life and the one I treasure the most. It was an amazing drive, being alone with the person you love, with no interruptions, just relaxing and enjoying the sights. What a luxury!

We drove to California a few times, to my aunt's in Arizona, to my daughter's in Minneapolis, to a resort in the Rockies in Colorado, to Ray's relatives in Wyoming, where we also visited Yellowstone National Park. Closer to home, we traveled to New Jersey to visit more of Ray's relatives. We've often said that we're so glad we traveled to those wonderful places instead of waiting until after retirement, like so many people do. Our last road trip was in May 2004, when we went to Arizona to celebrate my...