The Colic From Hell

Okay, pardon the language in the chapter title. But really, that's what it felt like. I was in the dark pits of hell and had no idea how to get out, or what I did to deserve being there in the first place!

In this book you will discover how I stopped Baby Kait's screaming, but I'm also going to take you through my journey a bit.

But 'why?' you ask? Because you might see some similarities to your own story. And you might take comfort in knowing that you're not alone. I know my biggest issue was the massive amounts of guilt I felt for the things I was thinking and feeling. And that guilt tore me apart far more than the colic itself did! So here goes:

Baby Kait was born about three weeks early, following a complicated pregnancy. Within a month from birth, she gradually went from being a slightly fussy baby who slept 3 hours in between feedings to crying for hours each day. Okay, I'll be honest, she was screaming her little head off! Each day her naps got shorter and she fussed more and more when she was awake. By six weeks, she was only sleeping about one hour at a time and fussing and crying constantly between naps.

Kait's colic lasted almost 6 straight months. She fussed all day long. She screamed from 4:00 PM until 7:00 PM. I'd have about 45 minutes to get my 2 year old fed and to bed and then we'd have the real scream session from about 8:00 until anywhere between 2 & 4 AM.

Such was my life month after month. Yep, total hell! And as much as I'm hoping with all my heart that you're not going through that same thing ... I know you would not be reading this book if you weren't.

We talked to doctors'. Nothing was physically wrong with her. We tried different remedies for indigestion (medical and natural), elimination diets, you name it ... we tried it. Diagnosis ... baby colic. Treatment ... not a damn thing.

This baby was exhausting the entire household with her constant screaming! There was NO way I was going to accept that there was nothing I could do!

Okay, to be honest ... I was too far gone in the depression and fatigue to think my way out of a paper bag let alone get all gung-ho to kick colic's butt.

That was all my Mom! She is one of those 'never say never' kind of people and made it her mission to not only help this little baby screaming her fool head off ... but help me find my way back to life. Have I mentioned that my Mom is my best friend in the whole wide world? If she would have let me dedicate this book to her, I would have!

She started researching, googling (isn't that the only way to research nowadays?!) and talking to everyone she could about colic. She came up with a common theme: Make baby feel as secure and safe as she felt in the womb."

Really, that's it. We didn't discover a magical cure. What we discovered is something that was right under our noses the whole time. We started following a little bit of common sense ... and a lot less of speculation.

So why doesn't everyone do this? Because honestly ... so many of us have the wrong friggin' clue on what the womb is really like. Or the wrong idea on how we should treat a newborn baby.

You see, let's just imagine the womb for a minute. It's dark, it's quiet, it's soothing, it's like being in a bubble where nothing moves or happens. Right?

WRONG!

It's tight, it's cramped, it's full of light from the outside world at times, it's constantly moving, it's noisy with mommy's fluids whooshing, heart pumping, stomach churning (forbid we mention anything to do with the bowel system!), mommy's voice, voices from outside, the TV, music blaring ...

So what do we do? Baby is born and we shove them into a nursery that is totally devoid of sound, dark as midnight (whatever that means!), and in a big wide crib with bars like a prison where this little baby can sprawl and have all the room in the world she could want.

And you know what baby says to all that comfort and pampering? "Holy shit, get me the hell outta here!" (okay, they can't talk so instead they scream Waa Waa Waa, but if you could translate that's totally what they're saying!)

Okay, so back to my original point: all I did to settle Kait down was use four age-old techniques that have been around since great-grandma's day that give baby the real feeling of the womb. And I'm betting you're familiar with every single one of them.

The trick is, you've got to do them a certain way and all at the same time! We call it SMOOTCH.

So, to continue with my story ... my Mom figured it all out and started doing it faithfully every time Kait started to scream. Me ... I was still in my semi-coma of staring into space wishing that I was anywhere else but where I was. I honestly didn't even notice that Kait was getting better. I didn't notice the silence. I was that far gone (but we'll talk more about that later!)

My Mom actually had to teach me how to SMOOTCH and drill it into my fog-filled brain day after day before I finally got with it enough to do it. I was in my own misery and quite enjoying my negativity that nothing was going to work, why bother trying, and who the hell did I kill in a past life to deserve this? But Mom had faith in me ... and kept at it.

I got the hang of it ... and started to realize that holy crap! It worked!

In the years since Kait's colic, I've been telling every mom I can about SMOOTCH.

But you and I both know that that's only half the battle.

Because even though your baby's crying will stop ... you're still down at the bottom of Alice's dark, smelly, crappy little rabbit hole and you're too tired to start caring about how to get out. I've got you. When my Mom first talked to me about writing this book to get the message about SMOOTCH out there and helping colicky babies ... I wanted to make sure we helped the mommies too.

The first step is discovering SMOOTCH to get the constant screaming to stop. The second step will be clawing your way out of that rabbit hole. I'll tell you my story, and how I found my way out. So let's get started.

What the Heck Happened?

Okay, I'm going to come right out and say that this is the boring part of the book. This is where we have to take a quick step back and go over some of the basics. Some of it is common sense, some is a little technical but it's one of those necessary evils we need to go through before we get to the next step.

This part just sets the foundation for SMOOTCH and why it works. Kinda boring ... but necessary. So I'll be as brief as possible:

First of all let's categorize young babies into three groups. There are typical babies, fussy babies and colicky babies.

Obviously, all three kinds of babies cry as their way of communication. They cry to let you know they need something ... feeding, burping, changing, cuddling, warming, cooling, sleep ... and so on. All babies will cry if they are uncomfortable in...