CHAPTER 1
My Name is Tim: Soul Retrieval
Wait! Why am I waking up? This isn't how it is supposed to go. The room is spinning, my body shaking, my mind foggy, and physically Debilitated. As I stumble through the over-crowded living room my cousin Little Bill asks, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
This is where my journey begins.
As my discomfort grows with each waking second, I attempt to make it into work but the agony is far too overwhelming and I am literally forced into the fetal position in an effort to ease the increasing pain. My mom stops and I told her what had happened.
Immediately rushed to the hospital via ambulance, they begin feeding me activated charcoal to reduce some of the drug absorption. They start pumping my stomach and all I can recall is more charcoal, more charcoal, followed by violent projectile vomiting. I am exhausted. Emotionally and physically drained and beat down.
As I start to regain consciousness, the room is cloudy, hectic, and endless chatter seeming to come from every direction. The mood of the room changes as everyone grows aware that I am waking up. I start to recognize people and see my mother. She is bawling as she watches and talking to her sister, Keena, and Dr. P (a family friend).
"What the fuck? Why did I tell them? I should be dead," I recall thinking this to myself. I had just overdosed on a plethora of pills. I was the human garbage disposal the previous night, taking anything I could get my hands on with the intent to make the pain permanently vanish.
While Keena and my mom sat there, I could only watch in shame, embarrassment, and humiliation. No one was really talking about what had just taken place, but that is how my family had always operated – put on a mask and avoid the elephant in the room.
Diagnostic Labeling
My mother is severely depressed. My father, although never diagnosed, has many symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. Still today he will ask me, "Where do you come up with these things?" It's as if he is embarrassed. There is nothing "bad" about Asperger's. In fact, this entire notion on "diagnosing" people is extremely detrimental to providing care. This system has us seeking what is "wrong" with people instead of valuing the positive and unique qualities that make us shine as individuals.
Take Asperger's for example; we give the formal diagnosis and describe the person as having poor social skills, isolative, weird, etc. Instead, what if we were to look at this same person and say that they are smart, focused, speak the truth, and do not play childish games. There are many incredible qualities about this so-called "disorder."
This is how Western cultures "treat" people in the industry known as "health care."
They create diagnoses, which comes with negative connotations and labels. Such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), in which the person is considered overly emotional, manipulative, and play games. Instead, we could refer to emotional as a positive trait because they are passionate and caring, they feel connected to the world and people around them. Neuroscientists around the world continue to prove that our brains our wired to connect with others, help those suffering, and provide love and compassion.
And if emotionally connecting with others, love, and compassion are innate human characteristics, wouldn't it make more sense to cherish the advancement of those who are overly-emotional?
Furthermore, a feeling of connectedness is a sign of being awakened. As you awaken, you are aware of this wondrous interconnection of all living things. But instead of celebrating their deeper understanding and gift in these areas, we attach labels and focus only on that specific label.
Sticking with the example of a person diagnosed with BPD, if they do something loving, caring, or extraordinary it is quickly shrugged off and discarded. But if they attempt to manipulate, we are quick to point out that it is a sign and symptom of BPD. Once this diagnosis is in place, we seek out these symptoms and behaviors. We become narrow-minded as we interact and observe people and become more and more judgmental.
In reality, manipulation is not a symptom or a sign of a disorder. It is a pretty standard human trait. It is simply a method of getting one's needs met. We all do this to some extent from the time we are infants. Although it is unhealthy, it is natural. Rather than scold, shake our heads, label, and judge those for manipulating, it would be more beneficial to understand that they are in need of something and not sure how to ask. This is a teaching opportunity and we can help them grow rather than kick them while they are down.
The problem lies when the person grows addicted to the drama, it becomes their drug, their altered state of consciousness and they begin to seek it out. This does not make them ill, it is human nature to want to change our level of consciousness and we all seek it through different avenues. Instead we should be highlighting their superior qualities and embracing those so that the dramatic behavior is no longer appealing - the same way we would entice a recovering drug addict to find a spiritual connection to replace the drugs and alcohol.
The attitude towards mental illness needs to change, along with the actions of those diagnosing and treating the affected person. If we are to continue to progress, we need to evaluate the way we treat people. In awakening our souls, our perspectives change, and we begin to save lives.
Imagine that you are coaching a youth baseball team and a kid continues to drop the ball. Each time he drops the ball, you yell at him to "catch the ball." And that is your only coaching that you provide. Then when you analyze the team at night, you continue to keep that kid out of the lineup because he "cannot...
