THE THREE POISONS is a guide to using Buddhist principles to resolve the conflicts (both internal and inter-personal) in your life. It outlines how conflict is viewed from the perspective of Buddhist psychology, how the Buddha himself resolved the conflicts in his life, and provides the reader with tools and techniques to convert the poisons of anger, greed and delusion as they show up in various conflict situations into loving-kindness, compassion, and tranquillity.

The Three Poisons

A Buddhist Guide To Resolving ConflictBy Ross McLauran Madden

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Ross McLauran Madden
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4389-8811-5

Contents

Acknowledgments.....................................................................................................vForeword............................................................................................................ix1. Introduction.....................................................................................................12. The Nature Of Conflict...........................................................................................113. Conflict and the Life of The Buddha..............................................................................414. Buddhist "Psychology" and the Genesis of Conflict................................................................905. Mindfulness - Step One Towards Resolution........................................................................1056. Loving Kindness and Compassion...................................................................................1317. The Reconciliation of Conflict - Transforming the Three Poisons into the Four Sublime States.....................1738. Conclusion: Conflict and the Wheel of Becoming...................................................................199Appendix "A"........................................................................................................217Meditation Techniques...............................................................................................217Appendix B..........................................................................................................223Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheets....................................................................................223Glossary............................................................................................................233Bibliography........................................................................................................245Index...............................................................................................................251

Chapter One

Introduction

"Every cell in our body contains all the talent, wisdom, goodness, and happiness of the Buddha, and also of all our spiritual and blood ancestors ... Of course, every cell also contains within it the seeds of hell, of violence: jealousy, anger, and other negative emotions. But we can practice so that hell does not overpower the energies of Mindfulness, understanding, and loving-kindness in us."

We live in a world of conflict. Within us and without, locally and globally, in every person, couple, situation, family, company, business, religion, state, country and continent, conflict arises and passes, leaving in its wake both the resulting synthesis of the clash of opposing forces - which is often good or necessary for all concerned - as well as its victims and detritus.

Conflict is not therefore the exception but, rather, the rule. You may not like it, and might prefer a conflict-free world, but really that's just the way it is. Look around - individuals living in maelstroms of confusion and pain, families in denial and dispute, countries insulting and attacking each other, groups in turmoil - it's really quite remarkable. It appears that conflict is somehow hardwired into the way the human mind works and as a result encoded as well into how we treat each other at all levels of human intercourse.

Our hardwired conflict is not the same as the aggressiveness of animals. I have a lovely male Staffordshire terrier named Aiko, who is kind to me and my children, but who goes psycho when he's around cats or other small furry animals and wants to attack them. Since he's a pit-bull mix, the species-aggression he exhibits is natural to him. The conflict that's hardwired into his genes operates by rote and instinctually, without compunction or remorse about any of his behavior, no matter how incomprehensible or reprehensible it appears to me. I've trained it out of him not by appealing to any sense of right or goodness or possibility, but simply by superimposing over it a fear of displeasing me.

Human conflict is different because unlike Aiko's, our human brains consist not only of reptilian and mammalian components, but have also a greatly enlarged neo-cortex, which allows us to conceptualize, develop morality and wisdom, and actually transform ourselves and the world around us in an intentional and compassionate way.

So whereas Aiko stops chasing a cat when I tell him to, yank on his collar, and say "heel", you and I can stop a conflict and turn it into something else through self-knowledge and the desire to do so. We have free-will, which means we can choose the ethics and morals we wish to abide by. We have the ability to be mindful - the ability to watch our own minds and feelings, and learn what their patterns are and what triggers them. And whereas Aiko "loves" me and is loyal by instinct, you and I are able to love ourselves and others, learn to see and feel the suffering of others, and choose a path of compassionate transformation for ourselves and the conflicts that embroil us and them.

Ultimately, if conflict is imminently present in each of us and all of our situations, we have perhaps mis-designated its role in our collective life. It has an inherently negative image for us, somewhat better than "death" but worse even than "doing the laundry", and is rarely recognized as the catalyst for personal and situational growth that at its best it surely is.

Because of this failure to recognize the transformational aspect of conflict, we have failed by and large to develop the art of dealing with conflict as it arises, concentrating instead on developing the art of war. War is the response to the confrontational part of conflict which fails to recognize the human possibilities for growth and cooperation in each opposing event. Because we have been unclear about the difference between what conflict is and what its true function is, and unclear about the nature of the emotions and psychological processes that are unleashed during conflict situations, we often have failed to derive the benefits of conflict, coming instead out of the process with bitterness and a feeling of alienation.

While that may be unavoidable in certain conflict situations, it is entirely avoidable in a majority of others. We don't have to be the puppets of our passions in conflict, nor do we have to come away from them with a feeling of defeat or anger. What we need is an understanding of and language for the conflict process, and some basic principles and procedures to help navigate through the perilous passages in the journey through that process. Since there is never an absence of conflicts, but rather only unresolved and resolved ones, we need an understanding of how the one molts into the other, and what we can do to aid in that process. Resolved conflicts aren't conflicts anymore, because the energies that caused the difference in wants to become active struggles have been transformed from negative to positive, from poison to elixir. To do "conflict resolution", whether for ourselves or others, we need to be at home with conflict, kneading and playing with it with acceptance and a feeling of possibility, and not just with a closed feeling of dread. Instead of seeing it as an anomaly or as "something wrong", we need to see it as perhaps painful yet necessary,...