CHAPTER 1
Introduction and ackground
I, (James Sekhukhuni/Rachael Princess), take you, (James Sekhukhuni/Rachael Princess), to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good and in bad times, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live, until deaths do us part.
... and this way, the journey to (a place called) until deaths do us part officially begins. Questions: Does the couple know the right road to get there? If they know the road will they walk in it? One thing I know, 'where there is a will there is a way'!!!
A destination requires the road to reach it. One day in a special church service I asked men in our fellowship what their favourite holiday destination is. One man responded, "Cape Town". Upon his response I wanted to know if he knew the road to Cape Town and he correctly said, 'N1 south from Johannesburg'.
It is very important to know marriage's destiny and the road to get there. In this book the emphasis is on the marriage's destiny which everyone knows as "until deaths do us part". Most importantly, couples should be aware that to get to this ideal destination, they need not only know the destiny but also be on the right way to get there. Although many people know this destination only few get into the road that leads there. In other words, know the kind of life-partnership impact your partner needs or expect from you and bring it to the marriage. This way you are a blessing to your partner.
If, for example, N1 south from Johannesburg is the road to Cape Town, it must then be noted that N1 north from Johannesburg is not the road to Cape Town as it goes the opposite direction. Such is marriage. Not every road leads to until deaths do us part. Partners must therefore be careful on how they behave in the marriage. When your partner says, "I do not like this and that", unless you can convince your complaining partner otherwise, you must listen to him or her with two ears if you really value and care for your marriage.
Every book author is inspired by something to start the writing job. This book is a means to fight against high rate of divorces and to expose satan's influences in the marriage. May I also take this opportunity to thank Dr. Arnold Mol for his hard work in writing the inspiring marriage book called 'let's both win'. Even if you have not yet read the book, the name itself gives you the idea behind it. I have read it myself and would encourage anyone to buy it. You won't regret it.
There is a statement in 'let's both win' book saying, 'at the beginning of the courtship every couple is determined that the romantic excitement of their courtship is not going to fade'. As a second language English learner I had to visit the dictionary to discover that the word "fade" meant to lose freshness. I believe it is possible to keep the relationship fresh. All it takes is the commitment by both partners to remember and use the basic words "I am sorry" and "thank you". It is amazing to realise the power of the words. The bible tells us that everything was created through the words. The words heal the wounds and the words can also start or increase the pain upon your partner. It is the above mentioned words that keep my relationship with God going in the right direction. Losing the ground rules 'Thank you' and 'I am sorry, please forgive me' may result in the loss of the marriage direction or a marriage being harmed beyond repair. It should be the duty of each party in the marriage to convince his or her partner to confess 'I am happily married'. Remember to be a partner and not the lifetime opponent in compliance to the will of satan.
There are three marriage situations that stunned me in this life time. They are as follows:
[] When I saw my colleague in a very good relationship with her husband's two children from different mothers. 'Some people are really serious about building marriages', I said.
[] When my friend was telling me that he asked his wife what her personal reasons to attend couples meetings every month were. 'To socialize', she said. I nearly fainted when he told me she said it. Aren't couples meetings aimed at building marriages?
[] When my neighbour lost her husband to another woman, the husband's family are still intact with her to this day. The family puts all the blame for the marriage breakdown on their own son. Seeing these I concluded, my neighbour was truly married (united) to her husband and not pretending. Her in-laws are my witnesses in this. May God bless my neighbour for doing her part in the marriage with excellence!!!
Concerning marriage direction and the loss thereof, couples need to know the place where the ideal marriage is heading to. In everything done or said in the marriage, one is either constructing or destroying that marriage. There is a saying that goes, 'it is the road that leads to a destination'. If marriage arrives at the destination called 'until deaths do us part', this tells us that the marriage was on the way to that destination. In the same way, if the marriage ends with a divorce, such a marriage was on the way to divorce. No wonder it finally arrived or ended in divorce. Big question I want to ask you in this book is 'where is your marriage going'? There are only two possible destinations available for your marriage. It is either you are on the way to until deaths do us part or on the way to divorce. Whatever the destination you have chosen with your actions or words, your marriage will finally arrive. There is no way one can claim, 'I arrived at this destination by surprise'. The likelihood is that you arrived by ignorance and not by surprise. With your words and actions, are you building or destroying your own marriage? One other question I would like to ask is, 'are you a partner or the opponent to your man or woman'?
Just like the direction instruments called GPS, this book is meant to guide determined couples to get to the destination of their dreams. It must be emphasised that every destination has a road that leads to that destination and for this reason only those who are walking in the right road will finally get to their desired destination. Many couples get married without this aspect in their minds and expect to get 'to until deaths do us part' irrespective of the direction they have chosen for their marriage. There is no way you can stay together for a lifetime living carelessly. It takes determination, commitment and willingness to improve to get to the ideal marriage destination.
Imagine the wedding day being the taking off of your marriage aircraft. Where are you going? Do you know that the pilot needs to keep checking his device for direction? There is another saying that goes, 'if you do not know where you are going, every road will take you there'. Avoid...
