There is a moment in each widow or widower's life where a decision must be made. The choice is whether to trade her/his unexpected sorrows for the life of the past or embrace the future. "Yes, Lord!" This book offers multiple perspectives on widowhood. It is a collaborative effort that began with a small group of young widows that met for fellowship and encouragement over Thursday lunches. Our conversations ranged from how to cope with our grief to dealing with our own realities as single parents and unexpected widows. Jerry began to keep a journal, which lead her and Vickie to writing devotionals from a widow's perspective. This project expanded as awareness arose of other widow and widowers who were open to sharing their stories of going through the mourning process. Healing began when we traded our stories with each other and found the joy of the Lord. "Journals can help us remember the details of moments that framed our lives, and sometimes to help others with theirs. Jerry Woodbridge opens her life's pages and affords us an articulate glimpse of hope for whatever comes our way." Jerry Pattengale, Executive Director of National Conversations, Assistant Provost, IWU "An inspiring memoir of a widow's journey through grief and how her strong christian faith guided her to find peace and strength in her sorrow." JoAnne Funch, Heartache To Healing "Life can make us bitter or better. The writers of Trading My Sorrows have exchanged their grief for the Savior's grace. In these pages, you too will find hope and help. Romans 8:28 is fleshed out in the lives of these fellow travelers and strugglers. Be encouraged to join them on the road to healing and a better life of usefulness." Chaplain John Wrightsman, Indiana Wesleyan University "As a young widow myself, I am so excited about this book, especially as it affirms that we have a choice to continue dwelling in the pain or turning toward healing and living again. What Jerry has done with this book is refreshing and inspiring, offering hope to fellow widows as they experience their own journey from pain to renewal of living with loss and beyond." Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC True Love Relationship Coaching

Trading My Sorrows

for the joy of the Lord By Jerry Woodbridge Vicki Rudicel

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2010 Jerry Woodbridge & Vicki Rudicel
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4502-6840-0

Contents

1. A WIDOW'S HEART Where is my redeemer?.......................................................................12. BLUE SKIES Why is the sky so blue when my loved one is gone?................................................83. MRS. ... WHO? Who is the widow in God's eyes?...............................................................114. SUNDAY IS THE LONELIEST DAY How do I remember that the purpose is to worship?...............................155. THE COMFORT OF ROUTINE What does God's unfailing love have in common with chores?...........................186. CHRISTMAS LIMBO When will my grief ever turn to joy?........................................................207. RENDING & MENDING How does the parable of the persistent widow apply to my prayer life?.....................228. MRS. G—GENEROUS, GIVING, OR GRINCH How do I give Him my all?..........................................269. NEAR MISS Will I trust Him with my life?....................................................................3010. TOO BUSY TO GRIEVE How do I make time to grieve?...........................................................3211. THE BREAKING POINT What gain is there in my destruction?...................................................3512. BITTERSWEET FELLOWSHIP Who will Weep with Me?..............................................................3813. OPEN HEART—REDEMPTION IN PROGRESS Why can I rejoice in suffering?....................................4114. PLEASE DON'T ERASE THE MEMORIES How can I keep the memories?...............................................4415. MOURNING INTO DANCING How can the Lord turn our mourning into dancing?.....................................4616. CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED Will There Be A Second Marriage?................................................4917. TRAVEL LESSONS What can travel teach us?...................................................................5118. WHAT IF IT IS ... CANCER? How do you rest in the Lord while fearing the worst?.............................5519. IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH What does loving again require?..................................................5820. BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME What was your song?...................................................................6121. REBUILDING A LIFE How will He rebuild my life?.............................................................6322. I'M TRADING MY SORROWS How can I live a joy-filled life?...................................................65

Chapter One

A WIDOW'S HEART Where is my redeemer?

After ten years of marriage, my husband and I had saved up for a beautiful quilted comforter set of greens, golds, and maroons to adorn our bed. That comforter was just the right weight to protect us from the evening chill, and I loved the spectrum of color it displayed in the morning light. The quilt represented the patterns, squares, threads, and filling of our married lives that offered us comfort through the night as we confessed our heartbreaks, our dreams, worries in raising our children, along with our prayers. Gradually, the washings and the "wear and tear of life" loosened the threads and revealed small imperfections in the design exposing the underside. In a similar way, Dave's sudden death of colon cancer ripped the fabric of what had always been our way of life.

I found "life after the funeral" a very vulnerable time period. As a response to that vulnerability, I would journal about my thoughts, feelings of grief, and desires. My journal is a patchwork collection of letters written to the Lord through my struggles of seeing how the Lord was working in my life after the death of my beloved spouse. It also contains the lessons God continues to teach me as I alone raise our children to adulthood.

I came to know the saving grace of Jesus Christ as a six-year-old child who lay in a hospital bed recovering from a tonsillectomy that had gone bad. I had lost a lot of blood when my stitches broke in the middle of the night. I remember my grandparents' pastor, Reverend Winters, came to pray for me, and I recovered. In my limited understanding, I knew the Lord had saved my physical life and equated spiritual salvation as meaning the same thing. I pestered Rev. Winters for years to baptize me, because in my mind I had been saved. He finally relented when I was ten years old and I understood what salvation meant.

As a teenager in tenth grade, I knew that the Lord had called me to teach. My parents tried to persuade me to pursue a more profitable career, but I was determined to teach. I rededicated my life to serve the Lord in college. Jesus Christ has always been there for me and He daily reminds me, "Do not be discouraged or dismayed, for the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9). This scripture has become my reassuring life verse.

In July of 2004, my beloved husband of eighteen and a half years went home to be with Lord. David passed away suddenly from untreated colon cancer. It was an extremely difficult time, but one bittersweet memory I hold in my heart is that the day before he died, we sang "How Great Thou Art" around his hospital bed. He could not talk or sing with us, but his eyes teared up as he was greatly moved. David is in the awesome presence of God. The Lord is my redeemer.

The events of Dave's death left my family shocked, grieving, and with an altered family structure, never to be the same again. Only the week before, we attended a national conference in New Orleans where I was able to share the results of my dissertation study with other educators. I was so glad to have David there. He had been my dream support through the doctoral program that ended in 2003. He had allowed me to dream. I also think it was the first time he really understood what I had been working on. This memory is comforting.

I was instantly reassured, as a believer in Jesus Christ, that David's death meant he was in a better place in glory. I would not wish for him to endure more pain and suffering. The lucky guy is with the Lord; how cool is that?

However, his absence left a void in our lives. Leslie Haskin (2007), survivor of 9/11 and author of Held wrote, " Not only are we faced with the physical loss, but we also face the loss of potential, which could have been" (p. 18). Our identity changes. My children were fatherless and I was without the spouse I was to grow old with. My dream of growing old with my husband was gone!

We would have to depend on God's grace to get us through. I went into survival mode, knowing the Lord would sufficiently provide grace. "It doesn't matter how prepared we are or aren't. A loved one's death always leaves us feeling numb and disoriented" (Haskin, 2007, p. 19).

Grief is a fickle thing. I knew my husband was completely healed in the presence of my Lord Jesus Christ, but I struggled surviving this life without my best friend on earth. I suddenly found myself single again with children. Grief is not linear; grief does not follow any blueprint. The responsibilities of single parenting are overwhelming. "Lord, how do I do this?" is a constant prayer.

Turning to the scriptures for answers became a matter of survival and spiritual growth. Ruth 1:1, "Elimelech had taken his family and left Judah to move to Moab to avoid a famine. There his two sons married Moabite...