You know that if you want your car to run smoothly, you have to keep up with the mandatory maintenance. Check the oil every so often, inspect the tires for pressure and wear, get them rotated if they need it, lubricate the locks, and keep up with your car-wash dates. And if you really want to take care of it, have the proper rags and tools on hand to clean off any sudden dirt or fingerprints.

Treat Me Like Your Car

A Man's Guide to Treating a LadyBy Pilar Lastra

iUniverse, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Pilar Lastra
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-4220-3

Contents

Chapter 1: Pit Stop...................................1Chapter 2: Cruising the Lots..........................19Chapter 3: Driver's Ed................................37Chapter 4: Regular Maintenance........................57Chapter 5: Playing Under the Hood.....................75Chapter 6: A Trip to the Mechanic.....................85Chapter 7: Permanent Parking..........................101Chapter 8: Manual Overload............................117

Chapter One

Pit Stop

When you're in the market for a car, you usually have a mental checklist of what you're looking for and what you can afford. Knowing these things when you begin shopping around will save you and the salesperson some time. For instance, you're probably not going to walk into a Maserati dealership when you know that the payment you are willing and able to make is for a Ford.

Now there's nothing wrong with checking out what's available at the exotic dealership, as long as you inform the salesperson you are not exactly in the market to buy at the time—you're just having fun checking out the display. This will also keep the salesperson from slashing your tires after you have made him or her take you on an entire day of test drives and prep five hot dogs for you just to hear you say at the end of the day, "Well, hey, thanks a bunch, I was just looking." The salesperson could have spent his or her time with a potential buyer who was actually looking to seal the deal.

A good friend of mine in the car industry calls people like this "looky-loos," people who like to just look and waste your time. He truly doesn't mind them and can have a lot of fun showing them fast cars just as long as they tell him their intentions up front. Now, while a woman's reaction to a "looky-loo" in dating may differ slightly, dating, in general, isn't any different. This time you're in the market for a relationship. And as you'll see throughout the course of this book, the two are a lot more similar than you would think.

Similar to the questions you would ask yourself to save some time while looking to buy a car, there's a mental checklist to go through as you try to find the right girl that, in this case, will save everyone time, headaches, and heartaches. Women, like cars, can be found in so many different places, shapes, sizes, and budgets, with all sorts of bells and whistles. Beginning your search can become extremely overwhelming very quickly, so the first thing we're going to do is try to narrow things down a bit and figure out what you are looking for.

So what are you in the market for? Something long term that you would like to buy, a short-term lease, or just a test drive? Knowing you are just looking to have fun and go on a couple of test drives is fine, just as long as you are honest with the salesperson. The same goes for dating. Telling a girl you are not at a place in your life to make any big decisions right now is okay. There is never anything wrong with honesty; this allows the girl to make the choice if she wants to stick around for the fun or if she would rather try to invest her time in something that might look a little more promising. Don't worry; there are plenty of girls out there who are not always looking to be in a relationship.

KNOW YOUR BUDGET

If you're not sure what you're looking for, the first thing to do is know your budget. The same way you consider what you can financially afford each month on a car payment, you should consider what you can emotionally afford to give to a relationship. Some women are higher-maintenance emotionally than others, and some women just want to date and not even think of marriage or monogamy.

On the flipside, there are girls who know they are not just looking to casually date. Did you know there are some cars you cannot even test drive without being a serious buyer? Take a $1.7 million Bugatti Veyron. This car is classy, sleek, and elegant, and at 137 mph, the nose of the car is automatically lowered two inches and the rear spoiler slides into slipstream. This two-million-dollar baby takes you from zero to sixty mph in 2.4 seconds. Even more impressively, the Bugatti takes you from zero to sixty and back to zero in less than five seconds. Zero to 180 mph in fourteen seconds. With a top speed of 253 mph, you won't get close enough to take a picture of this car if you are not a serious buyer, and the salesperson will have no problem telling you that up front. There is no leasing option on this bad girl. You either enter the dealership with the intention of buying this beauty and taking her home to meet the family or you're not getting anywhere near it.

Some lots know exactly what they are looking for—a serious buyer who can afford this kind of car and its thirty-thousand-dollar tires. And some women know they are looking for someone who can handle a serious relationship and would not even date a man who is emotionally unavailable.

So take the time to first figure out what you are looking for, and when you know, be honest about it. Don't tell a girl you are looking for a long-term commitment when you know your budget can only afford a short-term lease. Honesty will make everything run a bit more smoothly.

PUT YOUR PEDAL TO THE METAL

Just telling a girl you're not looking for a relationship right now isn't always enough. Your actions speak louder than words. If you continue to court her and sleep with her regularly, eventually she is going to think all you needed was time, and not for one second will she think that you meant you didn't want to be monogamous. Be clear on your meaning about what you are looking for. Having a slightly uncomfortable conversation early on, or cutting yourself off early if you think she is getting the wrong impression, is a lot easier than dealing with stronger consequences down the road.

* * *

Knowing what you are looking for before you step into the dealership isn't just for the other party's benefit. Imagine entering a dealership planning to walk off the lot with a car that is going to run you five hundred dollars a month. This is a payment you know you can comfortably afford; maybe you're looking at a stock Cadillac CTS. But the salesperson convinces you that if you just put another thousand dollars down, and for only a measly extra one hundred seventy-five bucks a month you can walk off the lot with a brand new Cadillac Escalade with twenty-two-inch rims and a five-thousand-dollar rebate, and he can even get you a 1.9 percent interest rate on all new cars in stock. So your brain starts working and you quickly start to think, Well, if I cut back on beer and start eating at home a little more, really, what's an extra one hundred seventy-five bucks a month? And with the rebate, I'm getting a steal!

The salesman has convinced you to go for it—something you didn't want in the first place. At first you are happy with your great deal, but then at your first fill-up you realize gas prices are outrageous. A few months in, you realize the difference between replacing a blown-out twenty-inch tire and a twenty-two-inch tire is almost your new monthly car payment, and ultimately you realize how much it sucks to feel trapped in something you really didn't want to begin with.

Had you known exactly what you were looking for when...