CHAPTER 1
Julie sat on the hospital bed, looking at her husband. Dan's head was swathed in bandages. He had just come out of the operating theatre and was still under the effects of the anaesthesia. She held his hand and willed him to wake up; the doctor had told her he may not recover from the operation, as the brain tumour was too far advanced, and if he did recover, he could suffer memory loss.
"Dan, please don't leave me," she cried. "How shall I carry on without you?"
Julie and Dan had been married for only two years when he started to get bad headaches; at first, aspirin and other pain-relieving tablets alleviated his pain, but his headaches steadily got worse and more frequent. The pills were not working, but he persevered, even with the pain, and kept on working. Julie couldn't stand to see her husband suffer and insisted he go to the doctor. The doctor had served the town for many years. He had delivered most of its citizens and watched them all grow up. But Dan always told Julie the pain would pass and then took more aspirins, doubling up on the doses. Finally, he had to agree with her.
On seeing Dan, the doctor immediately suspected what was wrong and sent him to hospital, where he could do further tests; the result wasn't good. Dan and Julie were told that he had a tumour on his brain, and Dan needed urgent surgery. The doctor told them the operation would be risky and Dan could die during the procedure. Even if all went well, they could expect him to suffer memory loss for sometime after. Dan told the doctor this tumour was going to kill him anyway, but if there was hope of him surviving, then please go ahead. While the Marickville hospital was well equipped to do this operation, the doctor asked Julie and Dan if they would rather go to a city hospital. Since Marickville was their home, they decided to have the operation here. A surgeon flew in from the city to perform this operation.
Julie waited with Dan's parents, Clara and Henry Mathews, before he was wheeled into the operating room; the surgeon came over and spoke to them. While he seemed cheerful, Julie noticed the concern on his face as he looked at Dan. Julie thanked him and begged him to do his best to save her husband. After he left, Henry and Clara left also, so Julie and Dan were alone. Dan told her that if he didn't make it, she shouldn't try to fulfill their dream. He added that he loved her very much. Julie kissed him and said she loved him too and that she would be there when he woke up. As he was taken into the operating theatre, she begged God to please bring Dan back to her.
* * *
Julie and Dan had dreams of purchasing a few acres of land somewhere where they could be self-supporting and run a few head of cattle. They both worked. Dan was a store manager at the local supermarket, and Julie worked in the office at the same supermarket. They lived in a granny flat at Clara and Henry's house; after paying rent and buying food, they pooled what was left of their wages into a joint banking account. When they found a suitable property to buy, they planned to borrowed more money from the bank if they didn't have enough.
Dan was an only child; Clara and Henry owned a cattle property a few kilometers from Marickville. That's where Dan was brought up; he was homeschooled and later went off to a university. He never had much to do with the children of Marickville. Julie was born there and spent all her young life in the town; she had no desire to live anywhere else. She knew everyone, and all her school friends also stayed on in the town when they grew up. Julie didn't meet Dan until his parents sold their cattle property and bought a house in Marickville, where they planned to retire. Julie was already working at the supermarket when Dan came home to visit his parents; he was planning to work on a large cattle property to learn all about the cattle industry, but when he met Julie, he fell in love with her and got a job at the same supermarket. He put his dreams on hold so they could be together, and they married six months later.
* * *
After the operation was over, Clara and Henry went home; they returned later in the afternoon. Clara could see Julie was very tired as she sat there holding Dan's hand; he hadn't woken up yet. Clara offered to stay with Dan so she could go home to get some rest; they assured her they would call her when he woke up. Julie realised how tired she really was and went home.
Not long after laying down for a nap, she woke with a start. The phone was ringing and ringing. It was Henry; he told her to come back to the hospital. When she got there, Clara was crying; she told Julie something happened, and Dan had been whisked back into surgery. Henry put his arms around Julie and told her to be brave as they went to wait outside the theatre. Julie had a nagging feeling of dread and paced the floor nervously.
The door opened, and they could tell by the look on the doctor's face he had bad news. Clara started sobbing as he told them they did all they could to save Dan. Julie asked if she could see him, and he said a nurse would come and get her shortly. Clara was distraught; Henry had to take her outside. A nurse took Julie to see Dan; he looked as if he was sleeping and would wake up at any minute. She felt numb as she looked at him, not wanting to believe he was gone. After a while, Henry came back in alone and touched Dan's face; it was all he could do. Dan was their only child. He put his arms around Julie and said they should go now, and in a daze, she let Henry lead her away. After locking his car, Henry told Clara he would pick it up in the morning as Julie was too upset to drive her car.
"We will make all the arrangements for the funeral, Julie," Henry said as he drove them home in her car.
Julie and Clara were too upset to think beyond this heartbreaking day, but Julie managed to whisper, "Thanks, Pop."
They took Julie home with them so she wouldn't be alone, but her friends heard the news and all came to the house to comfort her. Julie welcomed her wonderful friends and drew comfort from their presence. It was only when they went home that she felt all alone, even with Dan's parents by her side, but she could not shed a tear. Clara and Henry could see Julie was in shock and didn't know how to console her as they were also grieving but Henry knew the women looked to him to organise the funeral.
On the day of the funeral, Clara practically had to dress Julie. They were surrounded with friends and acquaintances, but nothing seemed real to the young woman. She stood by the graveside, not hearing anything the preacher said. Clara took her hands and got her to sprinkle earth over the coffin and step aside to let the others do the same. Everyone came to hug her and made heaps of promises to be there for her if she needed them. Julie thanked them all but had no idea what they were saying; when everyone had left, Julie and Dan's parents turned to leave also. Julie did not glance at the open grave. She didn't want to believe it was Dan in that coffin.
The months went by, but Julie just couldn't get on with her life. Clara and Henry left her alone, hoping she would get over her grief soon, but Julie felt so alone, and when she finally realised Dan wasn't coming back, she panicked and cried out, "I can't stay here anymore! I have to go somewhere, anywhere. Oh, Dan, I miss you so much."
She scribbled a note to Clara and Henry, telling them she needed to get away and would call them soon. She quickly threw...
