The Source of Our Pain

As a child and later a young adult growing up in Scotland, Jeanette frequently conversed with God, often questioning the pain and suffering she witnessed, whether it was her own trials or those of others. As Jeanette matured, God instructed her over a number of years, giving insights as she developed understanding. "Squashing creates a deviation of energy, seeking solace for the pain it causes—an aspirin, if you will; all are seeking love of the unconditional kind," He told her.

"What is it they squash?" Jeanette asked.

"All people squash the feelings of inadequacy, feelings of being unloved, feelings of being unacceptable to others, and even feelings of not belonging to the human race where they live, to name but a few," He informed her.

"Where does this begin, God, and why does it begin?" She brooded while listening to His wisdom.

"Do you remember when you were small, and we talked about the stars and the moon? How you were part of all of that, and everyone else in the world is part of all that?" He asked.

"Yes, I do. I remember that night very well. We lay in the long wheat in the middle of the night and looked up at the stars and the moon. I was upset that night. I had been beaten by my stepmother for blurting out a part of her secret life. I had a hard time with her calling me a liar and conniving. I wanted to understand why I was going through that at that time," she replied.

"Yes, well, it began then and even younger," God gently told her. "Children are innocents, as we all are, even adults. You are conditioned to believe certain things about yourself through your childhood, so you can be controlled and manipulated to the ways of whoever is the authority figure at that time. That is what gives them power and feelings of importance, as you bend to their will."

"Yeah, okay, but why do they do that? You would think they would know better and not want to hurt their future, right?"

"I understand, Jeanette, you would be angry. It is your conditioning that is creating that anger, your pain, and your suffering, as we talked about in the beginning. Are you aware of your pain at this time?" God asked.

"Yes, I am aware," she replied indignantly.

"Are you aware of where this pain is coming from?" God asked gently.

"Yes, of course I am! It comes from the injustice of it all."

"Yes, injustice. It is the injustice part of your childhood and how you felt wrongly accused?" asked God.

"No, I just feel that way about any overpowering of an innocent."

"Could it be you feel that way because you understand what it is to be an innocent and be betrayed by love as you saw it?" God gently asked.

Jeanette broke down; she cried and cried.

"You see, Jeanette, your tears are all your pains coming out, so it isn't suppressed. If suppressed, the energy will find a way to get out. It will seek love, to be soothed and healed. At the first sign of interest or love, it might run into the arms of the lover, often the very same energy of the pain—a mirror, if you will—so it may see itself, release the energy, and heal. However, without understanding, the pain just continues to grow and sabotage itself to pain and suffering again, as it rejects love for power over another, as that is what `young' feelings of love believe. In order to love, one must own the lover; otherwise it is pointless and means you have no power and are weak in some way."

"Oh, my God!" Jeanette was astounded as the knowledge fell into place within her being.

"Yes?" he replied.

His sense of humor is wonderful!

"What do you mean, `young feelings of love'?" she asked as she replayed the conversation in her head.

"It means, my love, young feelings of love are the feelings of love experienced or want of experience from a young age, which was never given the chance to mature or allowed to experience into adulthood," God answered.

She asked Him exactly what He meant by "never given a chance to mature or allowed to experience."

"It means the emotions a child experiences aren't allowed to grow as they age; they stay at the same age. Emotions will seek a place to grow and mature unconsciously in the mind, although the soul knows the path," was God's reply.

Does that mean, then, if you are traumatized emotionally at age five, those emotions may stay at that level? Yes, it does. God showed Jeanette that when a child is hurt emotionally, the child does not know how to ease that pain, so the pain continues as he or she grows. At some point, in one way or another, it will come to the surface. Looking for the power to feel "good" about oneself, seeking retribution for the pain, or victimizing oneself are all common. One might be rescued from the pain through these methods; however, it is a short-lived remedy, and the pain will frequently rear its ugly head. This happens simply because the understanding is not present and was not taught at a young age.

This does not mean that everyone who has been abused, to varying degrees, will actually perpetrate the same things on others. However, perpetration of a pain and inside hurt can take many forms.

"A person may self-sabotage his or her growth by making decisions based on self-esteem," God told Jeanette. "Another may teach others and indoctrinate others in their ways for power and insist on the `right' way. These are all stepping stones to greater understanding and growth spiritually, since we are all spirit in flesh."

"What do you mean `we' are all spirit in flesh? You aren't in the flesh."

"Ah, yes, I wondered if you would catch that. Yes, I am in the flesh, in each and every human being, every flower, every tree, every living thing. I am in the flesh, experiencing the world," was God's reply.

"So when you say everyone, does that mean you are experiencing the `good' person who is being abused or hurt in some way and the person who is `bad'? How can that be?" Jeanette asked, bewildered.

"There is no such thing as separateness in the world of the physical," God gently told her. "I am everywhere and in everything, including the wrongdoers and the righteousness, as you put it. There is no right or wrong; there just is, and each situation is the same—the lack of love...