Family conflict can wreak havoc on people diagnosed with psychiatric disorders. A Way Out of Madness offers guidance in resolving family conflict and taking control of your life. The book also includes personal accounts of family healing by people who were themselves psychiatrically diagnosed. Contributors include: Patch Adams, M.D., inspiration for Robin Williams filmJoanne Greenberg, author, I Never Promised You a Rose GardenDavid Oaks, director, MindFreedom InternationalWill Hall, co-founder, Freedom Center

A Way Out of Madness

Dealing With Your Family After You've Been Diagnosed with a Psychiatric DisorderBy Daniel Mackler Matthew Morrissey

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Editorial matters and Part I, Daniel Mackler and Matthew Morrissey
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-8348-9

Contents

Acknowledgments..................................................................................................ixEditors' Introduction............................................................................................xi1) The Nature of Family Conflict.................................................................................32) The Power of the Family.......................................................................................53) When Your Perceptions of Reality Differ from Those of Your Parents............................................94) Understanding Your Role in the Family.........................................................................135) Dealing with Feelings of Shame and Stigma.....................................................................196) Your Relationship with the Mental Health System...............................................................257) Boundaries: The Basis for Respect.............................................................................318) Dealing with Anger, Frustration, and Grief....................................................................399) Forgiveness...................................................................................................4310) Practicing a Healthy Lifestyle...............................................................................4911) Dealing With Money...........................................................................................5712) Getting Help Through Psychotherapy...........................................................................6113) Distance Versus Closeness with Your Family...................................................................6714) Points of No Return-Turning Points with Family Annie G. Rogers (with Mary M. Rogers)........................7315) "If Our David Wants to Try Freedom": Families as Allies and Allies as Family David Oaks.....................8116) The Harm of Early Hurt Carol Hebald.........................................................................8917) The Family Messiah Matthew Morrissey........................................................................9718) Attachments Lost And Found Dorothy W. Dundas................................................................10519) Life After Family Will Hall.................................................................................11320) My Family and I Joanne Greenberg............................................................................11921) Patch's Story Patch Adams...................................................................................12522) Coming Off Psychiatric Drugs, Coming Into Myself Gianna Kali................................................12923) Best Friends with Mom Daniel Mackler........................................................................13524) Listening to Each Other: My Mother and I Janet Foner........................................................14325) What They Don't Tell You, You Can Tell Your Family Oryx Cohen...............................................151Index............................................................................................................157

Chapter One

The Nature of Family Conflict

Families can be wonderful-and also difficult. Some degree of conflict with your family, and particularly your parents, is a normal and expected part of development into independent adulthood. Yet when you experience severe emotional problems, particularly those that get diagnosed as mental disorders or lead to psychiatric hospitalizations, these conflicts are often heightened. This can disrupt your process of developing into the unique person you were meant to become. This disruption, if not resolved properly, can so easily leave you stuck and frustrated in your life.

This can throw your entire family into further turmoil, worsening your dilemma. Frustrations that were previously buried can rise to the surface, and old wounds, dormant sometimes for decades, can erupt. This can be an extremely painful time, both for you and your family. This is a time when the most support is needed-and yet a time when it is most difficult for family members to support one another.

Regrettably, people diagnosed with psychiatric disorders often find few available resources to guide them. Although good therapy and good peer support can be immensely helpful, they are not always available-and in many cases are rare. It is all too common that well-meaning peers and professionals simply cannot relate to what goes on behind the closed doors of your family home-and in your mind. They have never experienced it, perhaps have never even considered it, which makes it difficult for them to translate their experience into something useful and healing for you.

The same is often true with your parents and family. Although they may love you, and have a desperate urge to help you, this love may not be the love you need-and may actually hinder your forward progress, despite their best intentions. They may think they understand what is going on in your life and in your thoughts, but that does not always mean they do. Sometimes your inner world is just too painful for them to comprehend, especially if they feel partially responsible. This, however, may not stop them from thinking they know what is best for you. This can leave you feeling controlled, judged, and even stigmatized, which at the very least can be frustrating, and at the worst disempowering and alienating. This not only impedes your recovery but can also heighten the intensity of family conflict.

We aim to provide you with a measure of understanding and support-and new ideas. We wish to share the best of our experience on what it takes to achieve a life of increased balance with your family, and ultimately a wider life of inner tranquility. We have seen firsthand just how family conflict can wreak havoc on recovery, and by the same token we have witnessed again and again how family support-strong, loving, respectful family support-can, if you can develop it, be a wonderfully healing asset. Although we recognize that not every family situation will ultimately develop into an optimally supportive situation, we strongly believe that the resolution of serious family conflict is possible for everyone, and that you, through your increased understanding and actions, can steer your life in this direction.

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Questions for Self-Reflection

1) What is the nature of my conflict with my family?

2) How long has this conflict been going on?

3) How does my family conflict affect me?

4) What kind of a relationship would I prefer with my family members?

5) Can I acknowledge that there is some hope for me to improve my relationship with my family members?

Chapter Two

The Power of the Family

The family is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, on par with gravity, electricity, and momentum. The simplest way to observe this is to see how quickly we change when we spend concentrated time around our families after being away for a period. How easily we slip into old patterns we thought we had long since given up. This change can sometimes be quite...