CHAPTER 1
I was seated in the front row of the church, with Mom weeping beside me. My sister, Sarah, was delivering her eulogy to Dad.
Half-listening to her, I found myself looking at the pictures of Dad lined up on his coffin. I had always known we resembled each other, but seeing pictures of him when he was younger really drove it home. We shared the same sandy-blond hair and athletic build, but his eyes were blue, whereas mine were gray. I used to joke that when I grew up, I would be taller than he was. That turned out to be true, with my six-foot height just sneaking past his five-eleven frame.
I sifted through my swirling emotions, and for the first time I realized I was suffering from regret — regret that I hadn't let Dad know how much I loved him every day and regret that I'd never be able to tell him again.
As surely happens to others after the loss of a loved one, I started reviewing my life. It didn't take much examination to realize I hadn't come close to fulfilling my potential. I wasn't where I should be, either personally or professionally. Imagining what Dad must have thought before he died saddened me.
Was I a disappointment to him? Did he consider me a failure? As I searched for answers, my mind went back to when I discovered What If.
* * *
Two memorable things happened that day. The first involved a summons to the boss's office to discuss my annual performance review.
"Please have a seat, Ryan," said Paul, my boss. The combination of his prematurely gray hair and the eyeglasses that had slipped down his nose gave him a professorial air. "I need you to complete your annual self-evaluation form."
He slid the document across the desk to me. As I picked it up, he continued. "But first, we need to talk about what's been going on with you."
"Thanks, Paul ... Going on? Is everything okay?"
"You tell me, Ryan," he said with a pointed look over the top of his glasses.
"Everything's fine. Why?"
"Ryan, you're a good friend, so this isn't easy, but there are some issues we need to address." He looked down for a moment. "We've known each other for years now. Everything I know about you points to a driven, successful person. You graduated with honors from the University of Texas, you were a three-year starter for the UT baseball team, and within six months of beginning your job here, you'd developed an excellent plan for moving up within the company."
Paul paused as he shifted some papers around. "You had the best production in the office and never missed a deadline. Your annual reviews were all outstanding. In fact, if there had been a supervisor position open, you'd have been a cinch to get it. And to top it all off, everyone here loved working with you."
A feeling of dread came over me. I knew the other shoe was about to drop.
"But over the past few months, you've really changed. You aren't engaged with work or your colleagues. You're not as outgoing and friendly as you used to be. Though your work is still passable, you're not meeting our requirements consistently."
His tone softened a bit as he continued, "Don't get me wrong; you're a great guy and still a valuable employee, but things seem to be going down the wrong path." Paul paused to let this sink in before he asked, "Why the change, and what can I do to help you?"
I had no good answers. "I appreciate your concern, Paul. I don't know what's going on either, but you're right — things have been off for a while."
"Are you having personal problems? I'm not trying to pry ... I just want to understand."
"It's nothing like that. I guess I'm just in a funk."
Later in the day, the second important event took place. At the gym after work, the TV in front of my elliptical was tuned to the national news. The lead story focused on the weak economy. I knew I'd better work hard on the self-evaluation because getting another job wouldn't be easy.
A commercial came on with a lovely woman standing beside what looked to be a tanning bed, her hand resting on the lid. Little did I know this was the first of many times I would see the commercial. The spokeswoman addressed the camera with a serious expression. "What do you regret in your life? What in your past would you want to do differently? What would you want to change?"
The camera zoomed in on her face as she continued. "I would like to know what would have happened if I had gone to medical school. I always wanted to be a doctor, but circumstances prevented me from going, and I've always regretted that. My friend Susan regrets breaking up with her boyfriend many years ago. She wonders how their relationship would have turned out if they had stayed together. Another friend of mine wants to know what would have happened had he accepted a promotion and moved to California."
The woman gazed down and ran her hand along the top of the device by her side. As she looked back to the camera, her face brightened, and her voice exuded enthusiasm. "Well, now you can find the answers to all the 'what-ifs' in your life. You can change anything in your past and see what would have happened. Our state-of-the-art technology allows you to see the most likely outcome to any scenario. But don't take our word for it — listen to what our customers are saying."
A middle-age man appeared, standing by a device like the one next to the spokeswoman, and said, "All I have to do is tell the software to make one change to what really happened, and it lets me experience the new outcome. It's amazing!"
The next scene showed a young woman, also standing by the machine. She was vibrating with excitement. "You've got to try this — it's so real. I hear, feel, and relive the experiences just like I was there!"
The spokeswoman came back. "And you don't have to worry about security. Each session is for you, and only you, to enjoy." The commercial ended with the woman suggesting a visit to one of their seventy locations around the country. With a wink, she added, "And by the way, I would have been a great doctor."
I was both skeptical and fascinated.
On the way home from work later that week, I went to a burger joint for dinner. Driving out of the restaurant's parking lot, I saw a large, new billboard. It read, "What If? ... Imagine the Possibilities."
When I got home, I researched What If. The home page loaded quickly and looked very professional. They certainly hadn't skimped on the web design budget. It took me a few minutes to read about the company, but their service seemed to be about one word: "Fantasy."
Their version of fantasy came in the form of a self-contained pod shaped like a tanning bed. What If called its pod the "Dream Maker 3000." In the pod, the user was hooked up to sensory equipment that What If claimed could read thoughts and measure physical reactions. The computer then used this information to create a virtual experience customized for each user. The customer bought an interval of time and then explored life's "what ifs" in total privacy.
Being a claims adjuster had taught me to be a skeptic; however, the concept seemed really cool. The testimonials were believable, and even better, the nearest location was only a few miles away. I definitely wanted to check it out further.
Trying to sleep that night, I couldn't get What If's concept out of my head. If it really worked, I could create any scenario and see it play out. Thinking of the seemingly endless possibilities kept me awake long into the night.
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