notes on grief

Grief is a space, a void, unknown territory.

The journey can be complicated and disorienting, and it can rob us of our health and well-being. At times when we think we are doing okay, grief can surge up like a great wave from within, knocking us down, making us stumble and fall.

Those who grieve know all too well the burden of a heavy heart. Time slows and we wonder how much sadness a heart can really take.

Can you trust that you won't grieve forever? Can you let yourself believe that the light within you is greater than the darkness that now surrounds you? There may be the moments when your inner voice, your soul, directs you.

Listen.

Allow yourself to be guided, to feel a connection to life. Maybe even allow yourself to feel gratitude. You may be led to work in the garden or, perhaps, to sit in a park and listen to the birds. The sadness may very well return, but you have given yourself a moment of respite and you will trust that it can happen again.

There is no instant cure for grief, no timetable that tells you when you can expect to be back to normal. "Normal" certainly will be redefined. There are, however, subtle ways to ground yourself, to redirect your energy and to feel some sense of relief as you journey through this process. Not so long ago, grieving was an event filled with ritual and shared deeply by one homogenous community. Now, many are left to sort it out on their own because a society of multiplicity no longer supports grieving. Too often, we encounter a certain impatience with grief. It's too personal and awkward. When so much of our daily life is hurried, it is easy to view grief as something for which we no longer have time. If we are fortunate, we find community, those who can patiently stand by us without the expectation that within a certain time we must get over feeling bad.

As you read this book, we implore you to seek a new balance in your life between the external forces that fight against your grief process and your internal sense of what you need to grieve. Learn to pay attention to the nuances of how you feel. Take the time to get to know your particular way of experiencing grief. There will be days when your yoga practice and meditation will soothe you. Other days, you may have to call someone and say, "I'm feeling really sad, and I need to talk." This simple acknowledgment can be a source of comfort and release. Learn to feel the grief and acknowledge it.

We know there are many ways to deal with grief and loss. From the Yoga Simple and Sacred Grief Workshops, Gloria is reminded of a woman who had been in psychotherapy for several years and who said she got more out of a three-hour workshop than she did from years of "talking it out." Gloria feels that the woman's prior work helped her get to a place where she was receptive to yoga movement, breathing, and meditation. Another student said she did not want to hold grief in her body because she was getting sick frequently. Yoga practice helped her on her road to healing by showing her how to reduce stress, become peaceful and bring her body to a more balanced state.

When someone we love is dying, we often hold back our own emotions and postpone grieving – only to suffer the effects later. We can notice changes in our posture – physically from the exhausting work of care giving, but also in emotional posture. When we are hurt, it is a natural reaction to close off our hearts to protect ourselves from further suffering. Even our breathing changes, along with our mental processes. We may be depressed and lethargic, or agitated, and unable to concentrate or sleep. However, if we can find a few minutes to meditate, incorporate a heart-opening posture or a breathing exercise, these methods can help re-establish our equilibrium and shift the energy to a place of peace.

In this book we talk about finding various ways to shift the energy. But what exactly does that mean? We know that everything in the Universe is made up of energy. We can distinguish types of energy, but we probably don't think about how we can transform the life force within us. When we are caught up in grief, our energy changes and we become unbalanced. This change can manifest in different ways, from incapacitating sadness to agitation or lethargy. Whatever you care to call it, you know that it hurts. The question then becomes, "What can you do to shift that energy to a more balanced and peaceful state?"

Along with shifting the energy, another term we use is mindfulness. To be mindful is to have awareness. It is a state of acceptance without feelings of attachment, judgment, or resistance. To practice mindfulness is to feel grounded and to have balance in our lives.

Neither of these concepts is new. They are at the core of many spiritual practices, and they are the foundation on which this book is based. Putting these concepts to work involves trying techniques that may be "outside of the box," tools that you might not think to access in the midst of your grief.

This book does not offer an easy solution for grief. People process life events at their own pace and usually find what they need when the time is right. Methods to shift the energy depend upon the person and what works best for him or her. Yoga helps you concentrate as you move from one posture into another. Breathing exercises can change the way you feel in a matter of minutes. Walking and meditation can bring about the same effects. Other times, you may find that working a little longer, concentrating on a task, or spending time with people gives you relief.

As your life goes on, surely you will face other losses. A yoga discipline can provide a lifelong foundation for centering and relief during these times.

Everyone's experience is unique. Transformation takes however long it takes. Yoga eases. It will strengthen you, but it does not shorten the journey.

breathing techniques

Conscious breathing is a powerful tool that can enhance mental and emotional clarity. Its purpose is to invite a state of balance to the body and mind. Breathing consciously and mindfully can promote calmness and/or energy by focusing awareness on our breath. Each breathing technique has its own benefits.

If you are new to yogic breathing, start off slowly. We suggest practicing abdominal breathing at first, and use only one breathing technique at a time. This will help you become familiar with the techniques and their benefits and how you can incorporate them into your day.

The following exercises are done best on an empty stomach. Wear loose, comfortable, non-restrictive clothing. If you find yourself needing to do a breathing technique at a time when you are not prepared, allow your practice to adapt to your circumstances.

As everyone has different needs and abilities, some may find it helpful to find a yoga practitioner...