Lesson 1

Develop Self-Knowledge

Developing self-knowledge is about self-awareness—knowing your tendencies, your strengths and weaknesses, and your purpose and accurately identifying how you feel and your triggers. How I wish we had such a manual in school for each one of us! We lead ourselves daily, and many of us are going to an unknown destination because we never take time to figure out who we are and where we are going. Many also struggle to lead or manage themselves because they do not know who they really are. They may even experience conflict with self between who they are and who they have been socialized to be.

Know Your Course

There are three things that are extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know oneself.

—Benjamin Franklin

The guide knew the route well and what to expect on the way. He had the ability to identify and name the different rapids scales of the river, their intensity, and the consequences of riding on them. He knew even the history of the river and could tell its story. The story had an effect on whether the present team would attempt certain areas or rapids that had caused fatalities or whether they had the skills to navigate those white waters. Telling the story allowed those present to understand what lay before them and to choose their options.

The guide also knew the rules of the river. He indicated that if those who could not swim found themselves outside the boat for some reason, they should not try to stand; they should keep their legs flowing with the water, and someone would then be able to rescue them. If they tried to stand, they would definitely sink. Before we set off, we got on the boat and practiced what we would do along the way. The guide instructed us to paddle in different ways and asked us to remember to listen to instructions and paddle as he said. We also jumped out of the boat into the water individually and had a team member pull us back in.

The guide continued educating us about the sport, explaining that each raft required different navigation. Sometimes, we would make hard forward paddles or backward paddles. Our life jackets were on, and he educated us on how to be safe with them. River Nile makes a big statement with its story, its scenery, and its strength and challenges,

When most of us saw the river, it seemed like just a river. Experienced kayakers, however, immerses themselves in its full story, the different scales of rapids, positives and negatives, and the natural laws of the river. For them, nothing is to be feared, because it is understood, as they have learned as much as they can about it. Like rafters along the river, all of us need skills to navigate the constant challenges and changes that life presents and the different emotions we experience as a result. Life can be likened to a river with class-one to class-six scale rapids and some calm waters. We need the skills of a kayaker, yet we grow up with not enough education on how to navigate the rapids. With learning and critical knowledge, rafters transform fear to adventure, and that is how we need to live our lives.

Human beings are like an iceberg. There is more to us than people around us may see or what we may be willing to embrace of ourselves. Most of us need to take a self-tour to understand why we do what we do, and check if we really are living our own lives or the labels presented to us by others. The labels may be partially correct—some are empowering and some dis-empowering.

Exploring Your Iceberg

An important part of that understanding is knowing who we are and what we can do ... Ultimately, we must synthesize our understandings for ourselves.

—Howard Gardner

Exploring your iceberg helps to deepen your self-knowledge to understand who you really are and why you do the things you do. Most of us think we are the labels that others have said we are, and we rarely take time intentionally to understand what drives our behavior on a daily basis and then synthesize the knowledge.

We normally judge others based on what we see them do, but the visible part, the tip of the iceberg is on average about 9 percent of the whole story. Behavior is what we see in others or what others see of us and that is 9 percent of the whole story. However, influence to behave in a certain way comes from what lies underneath—the 91 percent that is invisible. How often do we see people doing something or behaving in a certain way, and we judge them? And are we correct? What lies beneath the surface is the invisible force that drives behavior, and emotions are part of that sphere of influence. Our values, self-image, traits and motives are part of what lies underneath, the invisible forces that drives our behavior. These define or shape our self-concept, which is what we think about ourselves Our self-concept influences our level of self-esteem, which is how we feel about ourselves. These under-the-surface forces trigger our emotions in any given situation. Diving deeper to explore what lies beneath in ourselves and in others will help us understand why people do what they do, or why we do what we do, bearing in mind that our action or inaction is dependent on how we feel.

Values

Part of what lies underneath the surface is your values. Your values give you an indication of what is important to you. Values influence our evaluation and interpretation of any given situation. That interpretation triggers a certain emotion, thereby governing the way we behave. Values develop from our life experiences, especially the early childhood experiences. For example, one of my values is independence; it is important to me. I don't want to be dominated, and this is based on my life experiences while growing up. Independence, for me, provides a form of certainty that is a human need. The more I feel independent, the more I feel significant. The more the home environment presented some form of domination, expressed through abuse, the more I wanted to break free as I grew older. However, values are different for individuals, based on their experience and interpretation of the events that they encountered on their way. Two people can experience the same event and interpret and evaluate it differently; hence, two people can have different stories of the same event and develop different values and beliefs. On the other hand, for someone who grew up in a solid family, with love, laughter, and happiness, dependence or family unity may become a key value. Dependence for that person provides security and certainty.

I do...